This might be a bit "all over the place", hopefully it's not too hard to follow...
A friend that I've known since we were babies (we are basically unrelated cousins), had a baby a few days ago. When we were teenagers we had this confusing kind of romantic/physical relationship for a few months, but we were both really awkward and shy and struggled badly with communication, so it didn't last (I have not had any romantic interest in him since it ended). He was diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid, now he'd be considered high functioning ASD) and as an adult, I have learnt that I likely also have ASD1 (currently awaiting assessment). I ended up going through a lot of turmoil in my life from my teens through to my early 30's and I barely spoke to him or any of my family or childhood friends from when I ran away from home at 18, but roughly 4 years ago I found myself feeling scared during the lockdowns and decided I want to try to have typical healthy relationships with my family and reconnect with childhood friends... I knew it wouldn't be easy, as I struggle to have conversations with anyone about things I'm not interested in (which seems like most things other people want to talk about) and I feel so frustrated with small talk.
Now my current issue is; I care about my friend that recently had a baby, but I have no interest in babies and I have no idea what to say to him now or if I should send a gift for the baby or just a card... Part of me would like to go visit, because I feel more comfortable being around people physically and not talking (I think he feels the same), but he's living in a different state and I really can't manage the travel at the moment and I'm also not really comfortable around babies. I feel horrible because my mum recently reminded me that my friend is an only child and he doesn't have any biological family left around him, even his wife has no family in Australia, so my mum is like their adopted aunty and she asked me if I could try to communicate with him more. I think I should call him to say congratulations on the baby or something, but I'm so uncomfortable talking on the phone, I go silent a lot and feel stupid for not being able to talk normally. Are there any typical questions or things people should say to someone when they've had a baby, apart from congratulations? Do you think I should call him? What about a card or gift? I feel overwhelmed trying to make decisions when I have no idea what they would like for the baby or what the baby would be interested in.
