A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[Maggie]

@Emelia8  It’s very understandable to feel the way you are feeling. I don’t have any answers to all the questions racing around in your mind, I wish I did. I don’t even have the right words. I just want you to know, I’m listening, hearing and caring.💚💚

I’m dropping off a cup of tea, hoping you are able to enjoy one, in the middle of all of this.

[BlueBay]

thinking of you my friend @Emelia8   

BB xxxooo

[Zoe7]

@Emelia8  

[Emelia8]

Anxiety levels are extremely high and mood very low. 😳😞

A strong sense of dread descends over me like a black cloud. I miss my Mum. Gawd .. Im such a baby! How pathetic.

[Former-Member]

I truly understand @Emelia8 even about missing your mum, all of it. 
You're not a baby. 
Life can throw alot of tough things at us and it's hard to stay strong when it's constant. 
Try to be kind to yourself. 
You are doing good in the fact that you're still caring for your husband, despite all the other things that have happened to you. 
It gets hard fighting every day and feeling like you're never going to get on top of it all. 
He is very lucky to have you. 
I wish you had someone to be there for you. 
Sitting here with you. I wish I could help in real life.

Leaving a cuppa for you. 💖💞🌸🌺

[outlander]

 @Emelia8 

[WIP]

Thinking of you @Emelia8  ❣️❣️

[Emelia8]

Thanks to those who spotted my untagged posts yesterday 🧡💜 and took the time to respond @Maggie @BlueBay @Zoe7 @Former-Member @outlander @WIP .

I dont know what to think any more. Or more to the point, I'm not sure I'm even thinking clearly. Everything is a mess. One job I have to do here ... look after my husband as his carer. I keep stuffing up on simple things .. but vitally important things, such as his lifesaving medications which he MUST have. A few days ago, I gave him his night meds instead of his morning meds. I was horrified when I realised, and fixed things up as best I could. But if I continue to do that, the consequences for hubby could be fatal. What the hell am I doing!

This morning I woke up with an erratically racing heart, difficulty in breathing, shaky badly and feeling panicked. Worse than usual, and this time I feel really nauseous with it.

I kept myself busy yesterday, and actually got lots of jobs done which I had been putting off all week. It felt good to tick off those things. But none of it seems to help much.

Today I am due to visit the nursing home where I volunteer ... spend an hour or so with the old lady I visit there. I didnt go last week, so I really want to go this week. I'm hoping I feel a little better in an hour or so than what I do now.

I have to go out anyway, got scripts to collect for both hubby and myself, need to do a quick grocery shop and also call into the vet to pick up some tick treatment for my little dog Abbie. I'm a week late for that, and there are already deadly paralysis ticks around this season.

Tomorrow is getting ever closer, the day I will learn my fate. Positive/Negative? Does it really matter anyway? My life is a mess, whatever way you look at it. I honestly dont think I want any part of it any more.  I want out.

I'm sorry everyone .. for not being more supportive to you all. You have all been so kind to me, and I feel I'm doing or giving nothing in return. Just nothing to give.

I will tag a few of you who have tagged me on other threads the past few days ... @Former-Member @Lee82 @eth @Peri @Eve7 @Shaz51 @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @Meowmy @Anastasia @Appleblossom  @MDT @Bunniekins @Owlunar . I'm sorry I know I have missed some ... my brain is not thinking properly.

Anyway thank you.

Emelia 🌸

[Lee82]

@Emelia8 I am so very sorry things are so damn tough for you right now. 
I can't even imagine what it's like having to look after someone elses health especially when you are not well yourself. You are a very strong person hun even if you don't think that you definitely are. 
just a little suggestion I'm not sure if this will help but what if you sorted out hubbies tablets the night before and put them in containers ready to go and label the containers morning afternoon and night. That way you can double check that you have put the right tablets in each container before the next day. Perhaps also right up a chart clearly labelling which tablet is to be taken when. Even write on the boxes in big black letters. 
I will be thinking of you tomorrow hun as you get your results. I know it's damn hard but try and stay positive and optimistic hun. You are very much loved, treasured and cared about here. 

[Former-Member]

I am very short on words my beautiful friend, but please know that I think of you often when you are not here and when I am not also. Sending you some of our most loving supportive hugs and a whole lot of love. Strong  strong beautiful @Emelia8