Lived Experience Forum

[The-red-centaur]

@saltandpepper I have Spotify. I'm currently listening to landmvrks newest album.


For me it's feeling like I'm drowning. I can't breathe.
I'm smothered by my emotions but I'm just staring blankly at the wall because there is just so much and I'm dissociated.

[saltandpepper]

Glad you've at least got some tunes there @The-red-centaur I've delved back to the music from my high school years, and I shall leave a song here for you (in the next post)

I know that when people talk about dissociation they tend to talk about it in a negative light. I'm no doctor, but I think it's pretty amazing our minds can do things like that. When we hit this overwhelming point and it's like everything goes numb so we don't have to feel the pain anymore. I think it's our brains way of trying to save us, if that makes sense?

Can you make sense of any of the feelings or thoughts as they come up? Is it bringing up memories of people, places, what kind of thoughts are coming up for you?

[saltandpepper]

@The-red-centaur Do you recognise this one:

Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can't keep

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Well I do

This gives me chills when I hear it, and I'm going to leave it here for you so you know that even though we don't know each other, I care. I do.

[The-red-centaur]

Classic song @saltandpepper ...



'Oh I swear my emotions are the enemy
Be dead by now if I'd have done what they were telling me
Whisper lies, but they sound like half-truths
Confusing a sick mind, isn't that hard to do?'

Idk my thoughts or emotions anymore...it's easier to vibe along to relatable music.

all I know is I don't wanna be here n i don't wanna be alive.

[The-red-centaur]

Ok...I'm gonna cry now....my night nurse just came on (whom I've had before) and she bought me a bunch of art supplies...yep I'm crying.

[saltandpepper]

@The-red-centaur I'd be crying too. That's pretty heart warming. What kind of arty stuff did you get? I used to do a lot of drawing back in the day, recently picked up the pencil and started drawing up a new tattoo design. And I'll tell you what it is, despite the embarrassment that goes along with it: The red and green power rangers, one with a smoke in his hand, the other with a drink. It kind of makes me laugh... 

Yeah, I hear you, emotions can be unruly bastards if we don't tame them hey? I've been doing some thinking on this, and you know what I've realised? Emotions and feelings always shift. They take us up and down, but what we feel now isn't what we'll feel in a months time, six months time, a year--it constantly changes.

I know it's consuming when we're in the thick of it, it's really tough sometimes to pull through, and I wish it wasn't so hard for you right now. Hold on to that warmth you feel from the nurse showing you some kindness, and try to comfort those painful emotions with that warmth.

I hope you've managed to get a bit of rest there mate, but if not, pump out some sick sketches for me. Maybe I'll get one of them tattooed on me 🤙

[The-red-centaur]

Just an update: I am getting transferred to a psychiatric hospital this afternoon.

[saltandpepper]

Thanks for the update @The-red-centaur how are you feeling about the move there?

[The-red-centaur]

@saltandpepper looking forward to getting of the surgical ward...it's very busy and too medical here. And I'll finally be allowed to get fresh air and sunshine...I haven't for over 2 weeks. And it's a step closer in the right direction.

[saltandpepper]

Yeah of course @The-red-centaur incredibly hard to get any rest in a hospital hey? Do you know much about the place and what to expect when you get there?