Our stories
- Mark Discussion as New
- Mark Discussion as Read
- Float this Discussion for Current User
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Printer Friendly Page
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
22-11-2017 12:30 AM - edited 22-11-2017 01:48 AM
22-11-2017 12:30 AM - edited 22-11-2017 01:48 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
💜 💜. 💜.
It's my girl's 'would be' 20th on Sat. She died at 13. I've had trouble getting off the couch, the bed for days already. It hits me like that. SI is creeping back, but this time I'm not scared. Can't think through anything, I'm not all here.
Don't wanna be around people - nobody understands and I dont have the energy to perform for them.
Wish i had a caring mum. Never did, and now she's in & out of hospital with S4 cancer & massive weight loss - basically dying, and theres nothing i can do, its horrible and she's angry and scared and shutting me out...
Of cause she has nothing to give me, or anyone now. God's finally helping me see my inner child will never get it from mum now, that love I crave, no matter what i do to win favor, its time to surrender that wish too, let her be the way she wants. Its a living death really, very sad.
And my highly disfunctional siblings, they are not making the process easier. Eben they're oblivious to my grief feelings and my girls pending empty birthday.
It all adds up I guess and I have nobody here for me.
I'm finally learning the need for self care, without guilt.
Yesterday I eventually text back to my panicking siblings "I'm taking the week off" and shut off the phone.
I cant seem to get myself off the couch, or out of bed. Cancelled lunch out & a physio apt yesterday. Actually went and pulled the pin on all committments this next week. The boss wasn't impressed and luncheon ladies but how can I explain? They ask and then change the subject. To one person I actually said: "its a grief thing - you wouldn't understand" oopsy
I could overthink and beat myself up about 'being lazy' and all that criticism I've put up with for years, but maybe I just need to be still a while, process the grief, float away into a safe place in my heart, with my girl , my princess & God, just till it passes 💜
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 12:42 AM
23-11-2017 12:42 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
At least its her room and her stuff (plus extras I've stored there). It will be nice to have all her things in the one place. I have been collecting quality pre used travel bags for her. Even found a purple one. I know she doesn't need any of it anymore, now in spirit, but I do, and will keep everything that hold a good memory of her. I miss her so much. Even found a couple of her 0000 baby dresses, she was so tiny 1.8kg (4lb), 5wks premi. Perfect little buttonnose face, pursed lips. Those garments are precious. I was shocked to have a girl, mums 1st gd, my sister was do jealous she didn't visit me us in hospital or after
Having her was the blessing of a lifetime...
,
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 09:29 AM
23-11-2017 09:29 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
I'm new to the forum I have just joined and when I read your post my heart instantly went out to you, I'm so sorry for the loss you have suffered a parent should never lose their child no matter what I think it is the worst thing to go through.
I had a miscarriage before about five years ago now, it was so traumatic the experience and the feeling of the baby not being there anymore in my tummy, I was haemorrhaging really badly and I laid on the bathroom floor because it happened in the shower on my own and I remember feeling like I didn't want help I wanted to die at that moment because I knew I lost my precious baby and the pain was unbearable. My partner found me and rang an ambulance nobody understood how I felt I was alone and isolated after it I was mentally tormented and took to drinking heavily to flood out the memory of it which made thing's alot worse for me and I ended up in hospital having a mental breakdown, and pushed my partner away.
I still have not got over it, whenever I think of the baby I lost I burst in to tears and remember it all as clear as if it was yesterday.
I know what it's like, I may not have held my baby like yourself but I do know that feeling of grief and loss and no one understanding how it feels or what to do to help you it's like your on your own it drive's you mental.
I'm so sorry for you and everyone on this forum that has lost a child in anyway, we can support each other as mums and get through it I need to talk to people about this and I have learnt that if I keep bottling it all up inside it's no good for my mental health.
My love ❤ goes out to all the babies and children that parent's have lost.
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 10:20 AM
23-11-2017 10:20 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 10:29 AM
23-11-2017 10:29 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 10:34 AM
23-11-2017 10:34 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
Hello @Former-Member
Just reading through your posts this morning, I cannot imagine how difficult this week would be for you with your daughter's 20th birthday and on top of that your mother causing you extra pain by shutting you out. It is no wonder you are also feeling physically unwell during this time with everything going on, that is extremely tough, I hope you are taking care for yourself during this time. I also noticed you have been doing a great job of reaching out on the forums for extra support right now, you don't need to go through this alone. What have you done the last few years to get you through your daughters birthday, do you have a celebration for her or something nice ? Thinking of you
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 11:11 AM
23-11-2017 11:11 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 11:18 AM
23-11-2017 11:18 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 11:19 AM
23-11-2017 11:19 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
- Mark as New
- Favourite
- Subscribe
- Get link
- Flag for Moderator
23-11-2017 11:23 AM
23-11-2017 11:23 AM
Re: Child Loss & MH
Yes, that is a good idea @Former-Member feel free to email us 🙂