Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Worriedmum]

I found out last night from my 21 year olds girlfriend that he has a lot of problem. The biggest one that came to light last night was that he told her that he has Cystic Fibrosis & will only live to be 24. She has believed this for over 2 years....he even said he was on some trial last year - all of this is absolutely fabricated.....she was deviated to find out that this wasn't the case at all - he had sworn her to total secrecy. She said there have been other lies aswell....she said he has apparently made 3 attempts on his life! He has the tendency to be extremely defensive, and I'm really worried that when we go to confront him about this massive lie that he could go totally off.
He has admittted in the past to feeling depressed etc. Said that he's on anti-depressants - I now don't know if I can believe anything he has ever said?
God what do we do??????

[Pebbles]

Hi @Worriedmum

Welcome to the Forums and thanks for your post - that really sounds like a challenging situation to be in. 

There are quite a few members here on the Forums who have had similar experiences caring for children with mental health concerns. You might like to check out a few of these threads for some ideas of what others have tried for help, and perhaps some of the users I've tagged have some helpful suggestions:

• I’m at my wits end with my daughter – posted by @olmate
• 17 yo daughter refuses help – posted by @helephant1969
• Daughter won’t seek help for mental illness – posted by @Hummingbird

Also, a few of the services below might be able to provide some relevant support:

• MindSpot
  https://mindspot.org.au 
  The MindSpot Clinic is a free telephone and online assessment and treatment service for Australian adults who are experiencing difficulties with anxiety, stress, depression and low mood.
• Carers Australia
  http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/ 
• Mental Health Carers Australia
  http://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/

Thanks again for your post – we hope you can find the help you need here on the Forums.  

All the best,

Pebbles. 

[BeHappy]

For some people, lying can be a way of not escaping and not dealing with reality. Similar to an addiciton, it can feel uncomfortable to stop.

But the damage this can cause withn relationships is concerning, so confronting your son about it is important. It could reflect an underlying mental ilness (e.g., a personality disorder). Have you had a chance to raise it with him?

[Lunar]

Hi there @Worriedmum,

That sounds really difficult, perhaps it's helpful to focus on the intent behind the lies, such as is he wanting your girlfriend to have sympathy for him and not leave him and doesn't feel she will unless he says he has these things going on, perhaps there is a fear of rejection and losing her?

It might also be helpful to check in with him if some of these feelings about depression and suicide are true, so he is able to be more open. Quite often people lie to test out others reactions so then they know if they can admit the truth, as admitting the truth is expressing vulnerability.

I would also really ask about the suicide attempts and if he is having current thoughts of suicide and allowing him to talk about that, if it's not true than the worst thing he can say is "no I am" not but atleast he knows you are there for support if that is what is needed.

Take care,

Lunar

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Worriedmum,

Just checking at to see how things are with your son? Any ideas on how to approach this situation?

[Former-Member]

hello @Lunar @Worriedmum

How alarming for you all to discover this.

Also a person does not live their life this way for that amount of time without some serious underlying reason.

The fabrication could be testing the waters, or it could also be a symptom that he is not even aware of his lying. I am not even going to begin to suggest conditions.

I believe that we are not professionally trained and need to take any mention of SI seriously.

He clearly needs professional help, he also needs to know that he is still loved and important. Yes lying is not acceptable however, this is more than the odd lie.

He needs to be treated with respect but also caution used in discussing your concerns. If you ring mental health carers or Sane 1800187263 they will give you some direction, guidelines to speak to someone who can help in how best to approach your son.