The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[outlander]

@Sans911

[Snowie]

I know today would have been hard for you sweetie and you are probably dealing with a lot of difficult feelings atm. Just leaving these with you before I go to bed.

Am with you even when I am not @Sans911. Super big hugs to you hun  I hope you get some sleep 

[Sans911]

@outlander @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope and anyone else passing through or following.

Such a difficult afternoon with my pyschologist. My pdoc appt was ok. She may increase my ads yet. Waiting on blood tests to see if my iron levels are OK.

I spent much of the session in tears. I don't like people to see me in tears or not coping. I've also been pretty good at 'pretending' everything is just fine even when it's horribly not. He was surprised to see me the way I was as I was in a far better space 3 weeks ago. I told him I avoid people when I'm not coping for fear of judgement and scorn. I've been told so many times in my life to get over it, build a bridge, be more positive, etc so I do exactly that Deny, deny, deny and it will all go away. But it doesn't.

And I feel so weak and pathetic when people see me the way I am now. Like what have I got to be sad about really? Other people have it far worse. I said that no one seemed concerned about my risks or safety to myself.

I just feel like I had a boulder sitting on my chest the whole time. And it's still there along with a headache. So much of this is hard. Really hard. I wonder if I have the strength to get through it.

I just saw you're off to bed @Snowie. Goodnight sister.

@outlander are you around to sit with me for a bit?

[Snowie]

@Sans911I am glad you were open with the psychologist and he got to see you hurting. I know how difficult that can be and how much courage it shows.

It is hard to let people see us not coping, it shows our vulnerability and that is super hard to show others. You are definitely not weak or pathetic, you are one of the strongest people I have had the pleasure of getting to know. It is super hard but you are super worth it.

Sitting with you for as long as you need 

[outlander]

Im just going to leave this here @Sans911 because i cant put it any better than what you just wrote to me

"And although your depression is telling you that you're not worthy, you are. You are worth my time, my help, my energy and most definitely my love for you. I have endless time for you (well, when not sleeping or doing other things). I have endless patience for you. I have unlimited and unconditional love for you. You never have to doubt your worth with me. Although that might not be so helpful in rl, you are as real to me as anyone I know"
Works both ways sis. Ill always be here for you too with unconditional love and understanding. Ill be around for quite a while ❤

[Sans911]

@outlander lil Sis that's cheating! Haha

[outlander]

Haha @Sans911 hey! I added a little bit at the end its not all copied 😉
Did you want to talk about anything in particular as a distraction at all?

[Sans911]

I've taken my meds @outlander. So I have about 15-20mins left before they kick in.

Something really amazing just happened here. I bought a beautiful fluffy purple blanket in America to brighten my ship cabin. I'm just using it now because its warm. The cats love it and have been 'nesting' in it. That's not the amazing part.

My big cat was nestled against my leg and when he stood up to resettle himself, I picked him up and sat him in my lap. He then tucked himself into a ball against my shoulder and started to purr. He did for about 5 minutes and then dropped off to sleep. He's gone now, but that was so special as the only other time he's done that is when I first met him. I feel very loved by him tonight

[outlander]

Aww thats soo good @Sans911 i hope he has some more of those moments! Your purple fluffy blanket sounds awesome too.

[Sans911]

I'll try to send you a photo tommorrow @outlander