Life and trauma

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

You got yourself through the day, and even got to sleep a bit early.  Try to concentrate on those wins you've had.  

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 I'm trying but my thoughts are so intense right now. It's all so very overwhelming. I just want to go back to sleep but I can't calm down enough to be able to. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member   Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get to sleep.  Try to relax and know that you just got through a very difficult day.  Lay down, and think "if sleep happens, it happens.  If not I made it through Friday!". 

Put your mind to you've survived far worse things than not being able to sleep so there's nothing to worry about if you can't get to sleep.  Try to release as much of that pressure on you as you can, and just see what happens.

[avant-garde]

@MJG017 

Are you still around?

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 Morning. So I made it through the day/ night, not unscathed but I made it through. I woke up with numerous panic attacks aswell as excruciating pain going through my ear and head (this happens regularly for me). It's horrible and just trying to move to turn my head brings me to tears and I have an extremely high pain tolerance. 

I can't do much when I'm having these panic attacks other than to just ride them out, nothing seems to work to ease them. So I just lay here hoping it eases while I have a million thoughts racing through my head and my body is doing all sorts of silly things. I had hoped to wake up to a normal heart rate but nope it's still sitting at 154bpm, like cmon I'm laying down not moving 😂 

@avant-garde morning and I hope you are doing ok. 

[MJG017]

@avant-garde 

Sorry, I had an early night so I wasn't around as late as I usually am.  I hope everything is okay.

@Former-Member 

It was no small feat to get through yesterday... scathed or not.  I think the fact you can lay there and ride these panic attacks out, at least shows an ability to get through them.  Not ideal, but it's something to work on.  There's not much about the body and it's pains that can be easily controlled, especially a misbehaving heart.  That leaves the millions of thoughts as something to work on.  I'm not saying you go into some sort of zen place and just think of one hand clapping or anything... I can't do that.  But just trying to find ways to limit those thoughts. Maybe down to 'troubling' from 'overwhelming'.  If you can do that then, you could work on another step down afterwards.

But well done for yesterday, I think you did amazingly well all things considered.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @MJG017. I barely coloured last night cos I couldn't keep my eyes open so the day definitely took alot out of me. I'm trying so many different things and I try over and over again but I just end up so frustrated and angry when nothing works and that only makes things worse. So sometimes just laying there and doing nothing is really my only option.

I have to go to the shops but I'm honestly not even sure i can manage. With my heart the way it is, my anxiety being high and just not feeling great, it feels like such an effort. And I don't fancy having to cook myself in my car with no aircon 😩.

Ok, I can do this, I think. Gotta do my hair first before i can go anywhere, don't want to be mistaken for a mop 😂.

How are you doing today, you got any plans? 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I think you said it yourself .. it only makes it worse when you try to fight nothing working.  So just laying there is probably the best thing you can do.  I find sometimes just not making something worse is a win.  We can then recharge enough to try again next time.  But you did well to get through, and even better to motivate yourself to go to the shop.  I'm not sure you would have managed that a few weeks ago, so it's something to be proud of.  No one told me we weren't supposed to look like a mop if we went out!  That's okay, I can use that cat brush. ,🤣

I have nothing much planned today.  Staying cool is probably the goal for the day.  It's good to have ambitious lofty goals in life! 😁

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Sorry the trip to the shops went so badly.  You did it though, so take something from that.  You did better than me.  I think I would just sit there, or walk away, bl33ding all over the place before I asked for help.  I don't know why I find it so hard.  I think there's still a big part of me that, yeah, feels embarrassed... but like it's weak form me to need it.  It's stupid, but it's hard to change that thinking.

It seems we have to get used to this hear for a few days.  No cool change until about Tuesday apparently.