Puns, jokes, riddles

[Patches59]

As part of recovery/healing path plus every day is having fun and laughter.  Finding, sharing or reading things that brings smiles and laughs.

this is a spot to share puns, riddles etc.

Everyone is invited to share any thing fun, silly things

@Jynx @Oaktree @Shaz51 @Former-Member @avant-garde 

Here’s a couple to start with

Did you hear about the sugar thief?   He had some sweet moves

I need a new door for my hall

The replacement I bought was too tall

So I hacked and chopped it

And carefully lopped it

Now the dumb thing is too small

[Former-Member]

Thankyou for this @Patches59 I love this idea. I shall share some tomorrow ☺️.  

[Jynx]

Hehehehe OH HECK YES @Patches59 allow me to pun with ya!!

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? 

One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter!

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with boobs? 

One's a crusty bus station, one's a busty crustacean!! 

"Autistic people always take things so literally!"

Me, an autist: No, that's kleptomaniacs

What do wooden whales eat? 

Plankton!!

What do you call a cow with no legs? 

Ground beef! 

And a naughty one... 

Content/trigger warning

How many screws in a lesbian bed? 
None! It's all tongue and groove!

[Former-Member]

@Jynx bahaha love them all. 

That naughty last one got me good, I laughed out loud 😂. 

[The-red-centaur]

I think we should make a stand up show from this thread,

it will be a play on words. 

[Snuggles]

Hi @Patches59 @The-red-centaur @Former-Member @Jynx 

Oh I love this sort of thing.  They're so bad they're are funny.  Thank you. 😆

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

Take care all.

Snuggles 🥰 

[Former-Member]

Here's my first lot of jokes for this thread

Q. Why did the snowman take a carrot to the library?

A. So he could put his nose in a book. 

Q. What happened when the skeleton built a snowman? 

A. It chilled her to the bone. 

Q. How do you feel when your shirt is wrinkled? 

A. Depressed. 

Q. Why did the bee marry the rabbit? 

A. She was his honey-bunny. 

@Snuggles @Patches59 @The-red-centaur @Jynx @MJG017 

[MJG017]

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
I dont know Y

Parallel lines have so much in common

It’s a shame they will never meet

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
But then I turned myself around

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint!

I ordered a chicken and an egg online
Ill let you know which one comes first

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels

I used to play piano by ear…
But now I use my hands

If you're not groaning already, i will dial the 'nerdy'!

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
…

What is a pirate's favorite element?

Aaaargon!

A Biologist, a Chemist and a Statistician Are Out Hunting

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.

The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.

The statistician shouts, "We got him!"

Why Is Beer Never Served at a Math Party?

Because you cant drink and derive

A Farmer Counted 196 Cows in the Field

But when he rounded them up, he had 200

What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark

[myheartache]

Q: How do you make a hanky dance?

A: Blow a little boogey into it!

Q: What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

A: Dug

Q: What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?

A: Dugless

Q: What do you call a man wrapped in brown paper?

A: Rustle

[Patches59]

@MJG017 @Former-Member @The-red-centaur@avant-garde @Dimity @Jynx 

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer

What do you call a pig with 6 eyes?

Piiiiiig

Can kangaroos jump higher than The Opera House?

Of course, The Opera House can’t jump