Lived Experience Forum

[M_P90]

As someone who has grown up with a lot of trauma and emotional neglect, I haven't gathered a lot of friends. As an adult and after fighting for help from a mental health system that couldn't care less, I've been able to maintain positive relationships with various people. I escaped domestic violence in 2019, and lost a lot of people but tried to rebuild my life. My friends now are more acquaintances, and they have families and partners. I'm always on the bottom of their priorities. 

Mental health and complex trauma is so isolating. It's been hard to build style bridges out of this, to finally have the confidence and skills to build healthy friendships. But I didn't have enough time before a damn pandemic hit!!! Now I'm just all alone! No-one bothers to reply to my messages or offers to video call. I feel completely forgotten about. It sucks! I'm trying to overcome an eating disorder and develop healthy habits but when you feel like you're nothing it's pretty hard to do that!!! No-one cares!

[bipolarbunny]

@M_P90 Hello,

I completely understand your frustrations. I too have complex trauma/ptsd and also have bipolar, but my abandonment trauma as a child has made it increasingly harder to trust people IRL and make friends later on in life, to the point where I pretty much gave up because I didn't want to be friends with people who only took and never gave.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that trauma and the loneliness which is so compounded by the lockdowns. I understand the isolation as I have no family who support me, they are all very toxic and I keep any interaction with them to an absolute minimum. So essentially my only stable relationship is with my therapist who I see/Telehealth weekly. Which I am incredibly grateful for as he is amazing. I know I am very lucky to have found him, but I've also felt at times the system fails us. 

I think that's why forums such as SANE are so important. I have personally found this place to be a godsend. Like you, for a very long time I felt as if nobody cared as if I was completely alone. But they do care. I do too. I care about you. And I'm positive that if you spend enough times on the forum you will find people in similar situations to yourself who also care and want to support you. 

You can tag me in a post anytime you'd like to talk or share or just need to vent. Just type @bipolarbunny and I'll find you. I may not answer immediately as I am not on here 24/7, but I will answer ASAP and I will care about what you have to say, I can promise you that. 

You could also try ringing the SANE hotline on 1800 18 7263 and speak with someone to get you through those excruciatingly lonely periods. I've rang it myself on occasions and the counsellors are very supportive. 

I hope you feel you can make connections on here, as there are so many wonderful members who will bend over backwards to help you feel supported and heard. 
Sending you big hugs & support xx

BB 🐰💙

@Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Anastasia @Former-Member @Daisydreamer @TideisTurning 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @M_P90 ,

Just to reiterate what @bipolarbunny a has mentioned, you can always reach out here. I know it's not the same, but it's a starting point.

I found myself just caught up in my head last year when we had over 6 months of lockdown here in Melbourne. I also don't have many friends. I barely have acquaintances! I live on my own, and most of my family is in another state.

Throughout my MH recovery, formal supports in the form of therapists, social workers and peer workers were the only people I 'socialised' with. I had no one else.

It's sad, but true. Although I now function quite well in society, I still haven't learn to make and keep friends. 

Much of my recovery has been focusing on forums like this where I can reach out to support others.

We are here for you,

BPDSurvivor

[Corny]

The reality is @M_P90 this so called 'lockdown' way of life is the way that people with chronic health conditions have to live every day of their lives. We are marginalised permanently. 

I think that if you have left a DV situation that time on your own is a good thing. 

I would slow down, otherwise you are at risk of throwing yourself into the arms of someone with a similar character. I watched Insight on SBS the DV program aired this year I think about coercive control, it may be a bit too triggering but it reminds me of how discerning and vigilant I have to be in letting people into my life, these situations happen in LGBTI a lot. 

So yeah, I would slow it down and seek to form a relationship with a therapist, long term if possible. It is practice for poeople like us with long truama and neglect histories. Because the reality is we are at high risk of making the same mistakes over and over and over again, if we don't slow it down and learn about our past and how it is playing out in the present; that way we can make different choices, a dodge people that aren't good for us. 

Good luck, Corny

[Zoe7]

Hey @M_P90 and welcome to the forum 

It is hard when we feel we are all alone and no-one is replying to you - that is that plain rude in my opinion  We certainly do realies who our true friends are in difficult times.

I am in Tassie so we have not had the difficult lockdown times as many of those states on the mainland - so whilst I can empathise with you I cannot truly understand how isolating it is - especially for you coming out of such a difficult period of you life before the pandemic hit. I can however relate to coming out of dv and how life changes so much as a result. Imporantly you should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to break free of that and whilst you may have lost 'friends' as a result I am firmly of the belief those people were not true friends otherwise they would have stuck by you. That of course does not make it easier for you and Yes it is hard to build up those relationships when you are staring from the begining again. 

I think this is where such a forum like this is very valuable - it has been for me - I was in a similar boat - no friends, like turned upside down and trusted no-one ...but through the many interactions I have had here and the amazing connections I have made it has really helped both my self confidnce and sense of self worth ...and most importantly being able to trust people again. Having the support, care and compassion from so many here over the last few years has helped me to get back to work and to bit by bit build up those connections in the real world more. I too have very few friends (and I would really call them acquaintances) - and they are mostly work related - but those I do have now I do trust and know I could rely on if I really needed them. 

I hope you can find the support and connections here that I have and that once lockdowns end you can find those connections in your life as well. 

[M_P90]

Thanks for your reply. I'm in a similar boat re: family. I only have my mother and she can be toxic, so when I see others falling back onto family support I can't help but wish I could do that. I had a long dream last night about my maternal grandmother, she died in 2016, but she was one the few people I knew growing up who accepted me unconditionally. I'm starting to get very dark thoughts again and I hope in some supernatural way she's trying to help me. 

One of the most painful aspects of all of this, is I fought (literally threatened to go the minister of health) to get into this eating disorders treatment. And I'm finding the pressure of the lockdown situation so difficult I feel like I can't abstain for the behaviour I am trying to work on. These programs are blips - 10 weeks, to address a 20 year problem and I'm worried I'm wasting it! I really want to get well but I feel like I'm trying to get well in a pressure cooker with no release. I even reduced my employment for this program, and i'm living on like nothing compared to my salary before. I'm crying just thinking about it, honestly. I had so much hope invested in getting treatment and I feel like I'm "ruining it" when I engage in the behaviours I'm trying to reduce. 

[M_P90]

Hi Corny, to be clear, I'm not trying to rush romantic relationships. I just want friends who will think about me and send me a message like, "this lockdown must be hard for you." I don't have that. 

I agree, that we are permanently marginalised. I feel like we're always 5 steps back on this journey of life, y'know. Yet because we have to keep this life or death battle secret, no-one knows or understands why we haven't built the life they built.