Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I have begun self-harming this past week or so, for the first time in my life.

I told my counselor, and she asked me why. A couple of reasons. Weirdly enough, I feel like it's a way for my physical condition to match my emotional condition.

I have to face extremely difficult thoughts and emotions, and very difficult situations. I always manage to come out the other side, though.

I want to make it clear to everyone JUST how much I'm struggling.

I would never flat out fake an illness. However, I have been thinking of deliberately getting myself into a really bad condition, because emotionally, I am in ICU.

Have you had that idea before? People don't realise how much it all affects you, because you persevere every time.

[pisces_1]

Hi florenceforty

I can hear that it’s a really tough time for you at the moment. It can be challenging to manage the urge to SH, we want you to know you’re not alone. Would you be open to getting in touch with SCBS or Lifeline for a chat? It’s important you stay safe, if you require urgent assistance please phone 000.

[199511]

Hi there,

It's sound like you what you are experiencing is what I've been battling for a long time now and yesterday I was ready to end it all, I had it all planned out. 
I messaged lifeline and whoever was texting me genuinely saved my life. They told me to start speaking about how I'm feeling to people close to me and that I deserve to live this life like every one else. And you are the same, we all deserve to live our lives free of pain. Please message me or lifeline if you feel like you need to speak about what's going on. I texted them cause I wasn't in any state to physically speak and I am alive today because of it 

[wellwellwellnez]

Yes, that is very specifically what I am currently feeling. Thanks for asking.

Recovery is hard work and the only way to make it easier is more recovery.

In other words, urgh!

It makes me sad thinking of any harm coming to you @Former-Member  I really just wish we could all be covering in safety and love all the time, every way, forever, right now. I sit in hope that every blessing flows to your ocean.

[Shaz51]

ohhh sending you hugs my @Former-Member , we are here for you always xx

hello @wellwellwellnez , @199511 

ohh @199511 are you ok my friend xx

[frog]

I feel for you @Former-Member @wellwellwellnez @199511 

Sometimes I just want to yell: enough! It's so hard when the pain is invisible.

Just wanted to say I hear you and I'm sending you the best peace and hope vibes I can.

Hello dear @Shaz51 

[199511]

yes thank you im doing much better the last 24 hours, it was an eye opener for me. i just hope i can keep the momentum going and know i have people i can talk to when i feel like i cant take it anymore

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member @199511 @wellwellwellnez   I am so sorry to hear of your internal pain. There is only so much our minds can take. Thank you for reaching out today.  That is very courages of you. I do hope that has released a little pressure for you today. Being heard is really important and we are listening 💞 Please continue to reach out, I wonder if you could find the strength to confide in your family as well as your councillor?  We all need a support team around us, to help with all the pressures. 

You all deserve to treat your selfs with some favourite food, movie etc

Take care 🌻💜

Hello @Shaz51 @frog 🌺

[saltandpepper]

@Former-Member Sounds like you're not getting the validation you need. Do you see a psychologist or have a trusted friend you can confide in without judgement? Sometimes all we need is one non-judgemental person to hear us when we're struggling.

With regards to SH, while it does provide immediate relief, it's not a healthy coping method and is no substitute for expressing your feelings/thoughts and getting the validation you need. It can also become problematic as it is an addictive habit. Speaking from experience, when I was younger this used to be a frequent occurrence for me and it became severe I suppose. It's been a good 15 years since the worst of it passed, but thoughts of SH is still something I struggle to push aside even today. Even something as simple as an accidental burn on the heater or a nick on the finger when chopping is enough to trigger those impulses. And despite the amount of time that's passed, the urge is still very strong when triggered. It's no substitute for validation. Seek some support mate

[AussieRecharger]

@Former-Member 

If you are emotionally in ICU, I would rather you go to the hospital before it is both physical and emotional.  You saying your brain is stressed out and needs support, just because you can't see it, does not mean you don't need medical attention. 

Think of it as a heart attack, except your brain interprets the pain differently from your heart. 

When you say you are struggling, are you present?  Is your brain engaged in the past or the future and not on whats happening around you?