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Something’s not right

Breakdown_Bear
Casual Contributor

When caring causes abandonment.

I have complex mh myself, bpd, cPTSD, ASD and ADHD, I have been decently stable for about 2 years now, since giving up alcohol and having my daughter, but my best friend has been spiralling lately. I had been struggling a bit since sept but it was just the Urgh there’s a lot to deal with and ahhh I have to take my child in for surgery (cleft lip and palate repair) and increased my anxiety meds, and until the day before yesterday I was coping, even after having to call 000 a bit over a week ago and get crisis team involved before they’d need the resus team, But it was getting harder….. and then I got thrown into a situation with ECT discussion with no warning, which is a trigger for me, more than I realised and I ended up in full flashbacks of my grandmother post ECT… I’m apparently now the a-hole for setting the boundary I won’t be socialising with the other inpatients if she needs a visit and we can go into her room, otherwise she can see me on her day passes, apparently that’s me implying I’m angry at her for getting better…. No I’m angry that I’ve been deemed an acceptable casualty of her getting better. I’m angry that my boundaries weren’t considered in the slightest. I’m angry that I was forced to socialise with new people without preparation, in such a high pressure situation and getting in trouble for not being considerate enough with the people in there’s complex trauma and the passive aggressive “if I thought you couldn’t handle visiting a psych ward, I wouldn’t have asked you to come in”…. In nov I found out my grandmother had died in June, we were estranged as she was a permanent inpatient at a mental health care unit, and I was touched by another patient when I was 13….. she knows all this…. But she acknowledges my trauma but then tells me I have to control it because of where I was…. Where I didn’t want to be…. 

3 REPLIES 3

Re: When caring causes abandonment.

Hey @Breakdown_Bear Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you really care about your friend but you also have a lot going on yourself and you have to look after yourself and your daughter. It can be so tricky to balance the care of others with the care of ourselves. It's completely fair and reasonable for you to put boundaries in place to protect yourself. I'm wondering what supports you have in place? 

 

If it would be helpful you can reach out to the SANE drop in line until 10pm and speak to a counsellor. The number is 1800 187 263 and there is also a webchat option. 

 

Please take care 💝

Re: When caring causes abandonment.

I live with my partner and my mum, and I’m waiting on my trauma psych to get back from maternity leave, but that should be sometime this month, I’ve registered for the guided support through the website as I’m in one of the catchment PHNs, and I have ndis funding to get a complete psychological assessment including autism and adhd, and I’m on medication and will be back at the gp next Tuesday and will be asking for one of my previous meds again due to the levels of stress. I have a hand full of good friends who have reached out to me on Facebook…. But this is yet another time I finally trusted someone and finally told them the worst of the bpd, just to have them use it against me within days…. And I don’t know if it’s reasonable to think it’s predominantly medication side effects, but that doesn’t undo what’s been done, and the choices that have been made which clearly said what other people in there think of her matters more than my safety….. and that is not ok, at all. 

Re: When caring causes abandonment.

Hey @Breakdown_Bear I really hear you. BPD is just soooo stigmatised and that in itself is such a challenge. I am glad to hear you're accessing so many of SANE's services, and I hope you're able to find some safety and support through both services and through the relationships in your life. 

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