Lived Experience Forum

[Dave1977]

I almost think my family has given up on me conforming to pressure, but societal pressure definitely!

[Robert_Lifeline]

@nashy

Some thoughts...

The festive season brings with itself many expectations around perfection; for instance, perfect family gatherings where everyone gets along. Your family members may expect things from you that are not realistic in this sense. Being aware of our triggers (you may like to write a list!) so that we can manage our reactions to these expectations might help. Allowing yourself to not be perfect whilst managing familial expectations may not be easy. You may need to allow yourself to take time out of your family setting for ‘me’ time including solitude, spending time in nature etc., for some ‘breathing space’.

If you find you are triggered, how can you take responsibility for yourself and take the appropriate self-care action? (hint: know your triggers, have a self-care plan that is specific to your triggers as well as one that is a regular routine, and put yourself first).

[BlueBay]

I’m doing Christmas at my house with my parents after not talking yo them for a few years. 

Last time we spent Xmas together would have to be more than 10 years. Im really anxious about the whole day 

@nashy@Robert_Lifeline

[Robert_Lifeline]

@BlueBay

Wow, that is brave of you. How do you think you can prepare yourself for that experience?

[nashy]

Wow @BlueBay  Do you have a self-care plan in place? Sending lots of love for the day. Thank you for sharing.

[utopia]

@Dave1977@Shaz51

Yes those family crowds. 

Worse when there is someone there who asks you what you do - eg: for a job or activity etc and I just say "nothing "

[BlueBay]

@Robert_Lifeline I think if I get triggered or upset I’ll go to my en-suite and sit there fir a few minutes. Once everyone leaves I’ll go for a walk or beach. 

[nashy]

@utopia Yes that question at all times of year can be frustrating. Also our jobs/studies do not define us at all. I prefer the question "What's your favourite book?" or "seen any awesome movies lately"? Thank you for sharing!

[Shaz51]

During this time of year there tend to be a few social gatherings with family and friends,

what can / do you do to cope if these can cause some difficulties for you? 

• my husband says " he is not going to my family gathering "
• only spending a few hours at his family gathering , then going home @nashy, @Robert_Lifeline

[Dave1977]

I find myself scoping out the venue of the party to pick out my quiet zone upon entry. When the time comes, I’ll just excuse myself and go off to read for a little while or walk round the garden. Anything to have a break from the constant chatter and noise, as well as listening to my Sisters compete then fight.