Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BeHappy]

Ok another silly question.  My friend, let's call her Jemma (not her really name), is transgender female, but is attracted cis girls. I get that you can't assume what gender people are attracted to, but how do you broach questions about what gender people are attracted to? It's very easy to make assumptions and/or go to into normative speak without even realising it.

[Former-Member]

Hello @utopia thank you for joining us and sharing such a good question, I also don't understand how that is helpful

[Sally_Morris]

@utopia yes and no.... I can try to explain, but I dont really understand myself.... This is a really contraversal thing - some people dont think it should be there - and some people do.

'Gender Identity Disorder' was in the DSMIV - which is a tool to 'diagnose' mental illness - and this was changed and updated to 'Gender Dysphoria' in the DSMV - to remove the assocaition with a 'disorder' but still to have this in there so that mental health professionals had a framework to provide 'treatment' to people who expereince extreme discomfort with their gender not matching their body.

Some people feel that this shouldn't be there at all as it medicialises a natural diversity of human nature, and some feel it should so that people experiencing this level of distress can still access support.  

There will be some trans people that support its inclusion, and ohters that dont.   

[CherryBomb]

Time check. We've only got another 30 minutes left so now is the time to get your questions in!

[utopia]

@BeHappy. Why not just ask them. I prefer a question, rather than an assumption, personally. Also, is it something you need to know?

[Sally_Morris]

@utopia for some they also feel that the inclusion in the DSMV give doctors some guidelines on how to best support Trans people - Check out http://www.anzpath.org/ for some info about these guidelines

[Former-Member]

Thank you for that @Sally_Morris it is interesting to see how having that in the DSM is both helpful and unhelpful, depending on the individual. 

Are there other strategies that we havn't covered or that you think are really helpful to foster a sense of community that is inclusive of LGBTI people?

[utopia]

Thank you @Sally_Morris. I'll look into that.
Personally, I dislike questioning ones own gender - as being something that needs to be listed in the Psychiatrists bible.

[Sally_Morris]

@BeHappy another great question! i love how you are exploring this!   

Yes you are right, that gender is different to sexuality, so trans people can also be gay, straight, bi or anything else!    It is best not to make assumptions, but remember to be gentle with yourself, because we are really engrained with the black & white way of looking at things - that there are boys and girls, and girls like boys and boys like girls.   I try to really practice not making assumptions, and practice using gender neutral language such as 'They'  - so if someone says 'I have a crush on someone' - you can say 'oh! what is THEIR name?' rather than saying he or she - this opens up the opportuntiy for someone to answer without any assumptions.  The more you do this, the easier it gets!   

[BeHappy]

No it's not something that I need to know @utopia. It's just that I've found myself asking people about their boyfriends making somewhat blind assumptions (by using pronouns). I've been corrected by people, which is fine. But I worry about doing this again. Maybe it's just about using neutral language like, 'tell me about your partner...'