Running

[avant-garde]

@rav3n

• Overstimulated
• Overwhelmed
• Undercaffeinated

You?

[rav3n]

@avant-garde i'm undercaffeinated too, and not looking forward to cleaning up the mess i have in my room. 

what's making you feel overstimulated and overwhelmed?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

Overwhelmed - nightmare drivers forcing me into oncoming traffic by tailgating me

Overstimulated - too many consistent alarm noises being ignored by staff at McDonald's

[rav3n]

ughh the traffic and driving this long weekend was horrendous!! tailgating sounds pretty scary, sorry that happened to you @avant-garde 

those noises frustrate me too, hoping you got to enjoy your meal somewhere with less chaotic sounds. how was your long weekend?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

I'll be better when the long weekend is over

[rav3n]

i hope this week gets brighter for you. got much on this week? @avant-garde 

[avant-garde]

@rav3n yeah, winning the Easter egg hunt (my inner child is having fun making a challenge for @Jynx)

Friday is still undetermined but should at least be partially empty, rest is pretty ordinary. 

Yesterday was really hard

[rav3n]

i was just having a browse of the egg hunt thread today @avant-garde from a carton of actual eggs to drawings and cute bouquets/wreaths of eggs, love the creativity on there!!

chill week sounds good, do you prefer keeping yourself busy or having more free time?

awhh sorry to hear, did you wanna chat about yesterday?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

I prefer busy, but not crazy busy

Yesterday... well any holiday... my childhood had horrible experiences of it...

holidays are not what you'd expect

there's no happiness or joy 

there's no peace or love

there's never family

your mind becomes a battleground

of what is and what once was

images taking over

until you don't know what ways up

you smile and you joke

because that's what they expect

pretend to be happy

not all see through it yet

they think that you'll ask for help

but frankly, you won't

avoid the disappointment

when they fail to "show up"

"but that's not fair! you've got it wrong!"

"we're not really all that bad!"

sorry sweetheart, but you are

you don't miss what you've never had

you have all the best intentions

you maybe even have a heart

but you don't know my holidays

or just how hard they are

how even ever could you? 

you would need empathy

you would know the battleground

of complex PTSD 

but I wouldn't wish that on you

no I'm not that mean

but I pray that you would realise

and please reach out to me

see the pain within my eyes

feel the hurt within my being 

hear the wounds within my words

love without your limits

reach the brokenhearted

show how much you care

exist beyond the difference

imagine living life there

[rav3n]

😢🫂💜 @avant-garde 

it's hard when a day that people celebrate is also a day that reminds you so much pain. i'm so sorry about your childhood experiences, sitting with you. and as always, you a powerful way with words.