BPD - how do you survive, let alone thrive?

[Ruledbyemotions]

How do you stay employed, when despite trying so hard the BPD traits rule your life?

I feel like I try so bloody hard in everything I do, but I can’t ever do a good enough job to appease my bosses. Yes, I understand that a lot of it may be me reading into things as that’s common in BPD, but the result always ends up the same. 

I keep getting fired or having to quit because the standard workplace doesn’t understand mental illness, let alone one of the most stigmatised illnesses. They can’t support me in my work, especially when I can’t outright tell them what’s wrong with me. Most places are only just getting used to the “idea” of someone with ADHD or Depression, and the second you say you have an illness then you are treated differently, and not in a good way. When I have told places in the past that I am “neurodivergent” or am self critical etc, then they always react different such as “did you take your meds?” and “stop being so dramatic/unprofessional”, when I’m crying or having big feelings about something. 

None of this is new to me and I’ve done hours upon hours of psychological training to try and find a way to manage it all, but ultimately I can’t change the way I’m wired. It simply is the cold hard truth and I know it, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life fighting against who I am and against my illness to fit in with people “normal” - only to end up in the same situation. 

So how do you logically, realistically, find a way to work with other people in a normal workplace when you’re the one that doesn’t fit? 

I’m at my wits end, again, and trying desperately to fight the depression that comes with being unemployed, again. I don’t know how to control this or how to find a place that can last more than a year in. So it all keeps coming back to the same problems, and ultimately the problem is me. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Ruledbyemotions, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you have been going through a tough time for a while and you are demonstrating your strength and resilience by reaching out to your peers. It's hard to be vulnerable and share your experiences with people you don't know. 

I also had a lot of challenges in life and keeping jobs due to my mental health for a long time. I can relate to how you feel and the sense of uncertainty that I felt with employment.

Perhaps there are other options that you can take, such as studying at TAFE or going to Uni. There are a lot of TAFE programs in Victoria that are free such as the Cert IV in Mental Health Peer Work that I am doing at the moment. Not sure what the situation is where you live with free TAFE programs but it might be worth considering.

Sorry that you had to listen to people asking you if you had taking your medications. It seems to be a got to question for people who don't acknowledge that they have mental health issues. 

Thanks again for sharing your experiences and hopefully the communtiy will have some further insights for you!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[tyme]

Hey @Ruledbyemotions ,

Welcome to the BPD world! 

I have BPD and have had it for a long time. Different to you though, I've never had issues holding down a job. But I've had significant issues to other areas.

Do you think it is the type of job you are in which does not make you a good fit for the job?

For example, if I had to work in a frontline face-to-face customer job, I'd be useless at it. Hence I've never worked in retail or hospitality or anything. I know I'm not a good fit in these jobs.

Would you mind sharing what part of your jobs have you struggled with most? This may be the key to determining why you struggle so much? Maybe it's about finding a job that is suited to your needs?

[IceSkater]

I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you a few times, @Ruledbyemotions. I'm a bit different in terms of having PTSD but can definitely relate to being 'the one that doesn't fit', and the sinking feelings when someone at work tells me I'm different and more 'sensitive' than others, which has also eaten away at my self-worth. I've also tried to advocate for better mental health related and trauma-informed understanding in my workplace and had strange responses and resistance, and my increasing sense of being alone contributed to me wanting to leave.

One personal lesson for me is that I do have the right to seek a workplace that is safe for me -- even if that's more uncommon than we would like. Legally, I've learned it's disability discrimination if they treat you differently or don't provide adjustments, and I've tried to use that to advocate for myself. In case it's helpful there's information from the Human Rights Commission here: https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/disability-rights/disability-discrimination

You could try looking for a workplace with designated diversity and inclusion staff? That might be a way to have an intermediary who can help you.

Still figuring things out myself but all the best and you deserve a workplace which doesn't treat you as a problem, but as another nuanced human.