What if they don't want help? *Session now open*

[SadMum]

Hi @Eagle , he does know that something isn't right but unfortunately is caught up in that whole horrible macho stereotype and doesn't want to be seen to NEED help. Such a very sad reflection of our society

[CarersHelpline]

Hi @Eagle
Often you may find it hard to use this precise language with your friend but you can think in advance about the types of the language and words that you feel comfortable with. The purpose is to connect with your friends feelings and reflect or show that you have heard what they have said.

[SadMum]

Oh @Dexy , that sounds like such an awful situation to be in.

[CarersHelpline]

Hi @Dexy. We often hear that the carers go in circles trying to get the right diagnosis for their loved ones. This could be an exasperating time. Wondering if anyone here has been in a similiar situation and what helped them?

[Cazzie]

I'm a carer for my husband who suffers from PTSD as a result of 29 years in the NSW Police Force.  When it first became obvious to me that he wasn't coping with his job and life it was in the context of an argument that I suggested he should get help to reduce his stress levels his reply was immediate and explosive. "Don't give me that s#@t!  There's no such f$#%ing think as stress.  That's all bulls@#t!  Only soft c@#k nancy boys go off on stress."

Things were realy bad but he was in total denial.  I figured the only way to reduce his stress levels was to get him away from work and the town we lived in for a while so I booked a week for two in Vanuatu and gave it to him as a Christmas present so he couldn't refuse to go.  He was tense and uptight for four days and really had only just begun to relax when it was time to come home.

It took another two years and a seemingly trivial happening for him to break completely and go off on sick leave.  That trivial happening was the straw that shattered his mental stability and forced him to seek help from both his GP and a counselling psychologist.

To this day I believe that had he sought help when I originally pointed out that he had problems he possibly wouldn't have snapped quite so completely but we'll never know.

[Rover]

Hi,

I am caring for my daughter who is in a mental health facility but has 6 hours of escorted release time each day. She was sheduled after being diagnosed with a drug induced pyschosis. Her dillusions are really bizzare and she has been in there now for over 3 weeks. She is in complete denial about her mental state (the treating team are thinking it is Biopolar) and she is playing a very good game of 'nothing is wrong with me'. She denies telling me things and writing things and asks me to lie to the doctor so she can get out. She is calmer since they changed her medication but I know her dillusions are still there. She tells me whats happening but trusts that I won't pass on this information. Her doctor believes that she needs to stay in the facility and she has a tribunal coming up very soon to arrange a discharge. The doctor said the only that he can help her is if I tell the magistrate all the things I have recorded. It will sadden me to do this as right now I am the only person she trusts.

[CarersHelpline]

@ SadMum.We find that often the carer's loved ones might know that something is wrong but it takes a while for them to process and understand what is happening.

[SadMum]

Thanks @Cazzie for sharing your story.

[CarersHelpline]

Hi @Cazzie,
Sadly, often its only when one reaches a crisis point , that they tend to seek help. Its hard sometimes to find the strength to ask for help so carers often talk about continuing to build more of their relationship so when their loved is ready, they are able to facilitate that support for them. And that time may be when there is a major health incident.

[SadMum]

@CarersHelpline Yes that is very true. This has been going on for several years but I feel I have to let go now, as no matter what I've offered, he has thrown back in my face. He is the one that needs to WANT change. I certainly can't insist he get better because that will make me feel better. I have developed a wall around me this time which I have to otherwise I inadvertently give in to his rather clever emotional manipulation.