Caring for elderly alcoholic mother

[Jenny88]

She is a special person which is what makes it so horrible. But I guess that's what happens with any addiction... it takes over and changes people.

I've thought about writing her a letter which you did suggest awhile ago.

I'm worried she would take it as a personal attack because she is a stubborn woman and really believes her behaviour is fine. She's in this mindset of she should be able to do what she wants and we should just accept it but she's also hurting.

But maybe I should start that letter and see how I go. At the very least it might help me to get it all on paper

[Eve7]

I’m so glad you have your little one and partner @Jenny88 . They probably bring great joy to your life while you support your dear mum.

Its good you have happy memories of your child hood and hopefully you can remind your mum of that.

My dad was a much better grandfather than he was a parent and my kids have good memories of him.

[tyme]

I wonder if it's just needing to continually speak to her about how much you appreciate her and you want what's best for you? @Jenny88 

Also, do you think there is a driving factor in her drinking? ie. a root cause?

I hear how much you want her to recover.

[Jenny88]

Hey all. It's me again.

Having a terrible day... mum has been  writing herself off every Saturday and her dogs get out of the house

Well today they unfortunately attacked a poodle and bit the owner who was trying to take her dog off the poodle.

I've given them my number because she's hammered and doesn't have any money so I will have to pay for the vet bill. I've asked them to take the poodle to the vet asap and now I'm just waiting for the call.

I've booked in an appointment with my gp who is lso mum's gp and I'm telling her everything because I can't keep doing this... I have no idea what to do or how to help myself or mum... 

[tyme]

I'm so so sorry to hear @Jenny88 . It sounds like she's not able to care for herself anymore. Are you able to speak to your GP to see what options there are? She may not have a choice anymore. As you said, you can't keep doing this.

Hugs

[Jenny88]

Thank you. I went to go and check on her because the dogs have been seized...

And she looks like she's had a stroke 

We're in the hospital now. Her face is back to normal and she swears she didn't have a drink this morning so now I'm thinking maybe something else was going on this morning 😞

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear @Jenny88 .

Whilst she is in hospital, can you talk to them about services to support her? Let them know you really can't do it anymore.

Perhaps they can organise a social worker or occupational therapist to speak to you.

[Jenny88]

Thank you @tyme 

That's what I have been doing. I've been hiding things for awhile and I can't do it anymore.

I've spoken with a social worker, our gp, the dr's, seniors legal aid and carers gateway.

I've told them everything because she can't come home and continue how it's been going...

She had an MRI today so we're waiting on the results from that.

If she is cleared to come home, there isn't much I can do but I'm working on applying for a grant to try and fix her house up and she is now open to a carer a few days a week.

We just have to wait and see what happens with the MRI... if there is permanent damage, she may need to go into a home because I can't care for her full time

It's been a rough week. Thank you for your support x

[tyme]

Yes you are right @Jenny88 .

I'm so glad you are advocating for her needs. She really needs it. It's good you have spoken up. I hope you can be firm that she can't come home until things are in place.

You have your own young family too consider. It's doesn't sound safe that she gets to continue how things have been because clearly, she needs support.

Even if she goes into supported living for a while. 

All the best.

Know that we are thinking about you and hope it resolves soon.

[tyme]

Hey @Jenny88 ,

Any updates? Hope you are okay and things are slowly getting there.

Thinking of you.

PLEASE look after yourself and your bub.