Son with serious depression

[Soren]

My 30 year old son has suffered serious social anxiety and depression since the age of 15. He takes antidepressants but has always refused to seek other help or talk to anyone. He works, but hates working, lives alone in a small flat and has few friends. He's a skateboarder but has only acquaintances through that. I live an hour away in the country. He has recently begun calling me from work in a state of high anxiety, saying he just can't cope, occasionally has suicidal thoughts but would never act on them. I race down to see him and we talk. He refuses to get professional help, is afraid of going off his medication or changing it, will only talk to me. He won't come to stay with me or even visit. He has had no contact with his father since he left the family home (when my son was 15) and his sister lives overseas. I worry that he is so alone but I just don't know how to help him. I would appreciate any thoughts or contact with someone who is dealing with a similar situation. 

[Blackbird11]

Hi @Soren,

Talking about personal mental health is sometimes hard and challenging. Isolation is also hard. Here is a people like us story that might be useful...Mark (sane.org). There is support out there for you too... You Are Not Alone (sane.org). Hope this is useful 🙂

[fluffylight]

Welcome @Soren 🙂
A very warm welcome awaits you in these forums. Great to have you with us on the forums! I'm sorry to hear things are tough. It sounds like you are holding a lot and thank you for sharing. Your son is lucky to have someone who cares about him so much.

Some good resources for you above! A few more for you here if it is supportive:

- https://www.carergateway.gov.au/services-and-support
- https://relationships.org.au/
-SANE offers 1 on 1 phone support with Peer Support workers if you feel like having more 1 on 1 support SANE guidedservice: SANE drop-in services are staffed by qualified team of counsellors and people with lived experience of mental health issues who will provide you with free digital and telehealth support, information and referrals.’ --- Click here for more info if you would like to have a look -- https://www.sane.org/referral


Please continue to reach out, we are here to support.

fluffylight x

[Mumstheword1]

Hi its bloody hard. I'm in a very similar situation with my son, but he has drug issues on top of the depression.  We are just waiting for a final diagnosis of schizophrenia that has taken him 5yrs to seek help for. He was 14 when he started drugs.

I'm exhausted all the time, living in fight or flight mode wondering if I'm going to get 'the call', or will he stop taking his meds, go into another phycosis etc etc.

He's 26 but I've had to learn to back away because it's killing me and destroying our family.

I needed to put myself first and I felt so guilty doing it, like I was letting him down, but I had infact already let the rest of the family down so it was a no win situation.

For me it's self care, work life balance. I still check in on my son, offer suggestions of professional help for him, the odd care package of food and treats but never money.  I think he needed to really process the idea he will have mental health issues and probably be on meds for the rest of his life. As a 20yr old that's a massive pill to swallow for anyone, it took a long 6 years and it's still going.

Take care of you first, take time for you and then yr stronger to help yr son

🙏

[tyme]

Hey there @Mumstheword1 ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like such a difficult place to be in. I hear how draining these years must have been for you.

In a way, I'm glad he is at last seeking the support he needs. 

As carers, we often feel guilty for looking after ourselves. However, we also need to consider, if we are not well first, how can we care for anyone else?

I recognise it's not an easy journey.

We encourage you to continue connecting with us as you ride this wave.

You are NOT alone.

[lorikeetlove]

Hi @Soren I totally sympathise with you and understand how hard it is.  My son is 23 and lives with us at home and has never worked due to his anxiety and depression issues.  He was also recently diagnosed with ADHD without the hyperactivity. He is on medication for both depression and ADHD and it does help him. We all want our children to be happy and safe and if we're there for them with unconditional love and support, that's the main thing. 

[Snergly]

Hi @Mumstheword1 I’m in a very similar situation to you. My son is 30, he has schizo affective, anxiety, ptsd & depression. He’s on a full DSP, cannot work & has has ndis funding for 10 months now. NDIS have recently rehoused him from the family home due to another severe psychotic episode. We just couldn’t take anymore. He’s still very verbally abusive, won’t take meds, but he really struggles to function on the daily with anything other than showering n dressing himself. I hear you when you say you just have to start putting yourself & the rest of the family first. I’m now just praying ndis get him the real support he needs..10 months in & they’ve yet to sort him. He’s plan managed too..

[Soren]

Thankyou. I have not been on this page for a while because of illness. Appreciate your response. 

[Soren]

Thankyou for sharing this.

[Soren]

Thankyou