Looking after ourselves
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21-04-2019 02:38 PM
21-04-2019 02:38 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
@MDT Thanks, to you too.
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22-04-2019 06:29 PM
22-04-2019 06:29 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
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23-04-2019 09:39 AM
23-04-2019 09:39 AM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
Hi @Meowmy
Good work on trying to find the real colours of your controlling mother - that's not easy but it will help you to see her more clearly and find reasons for her behaviour rather than just leave you with excuses
After my mother died I fell into hole - I did see a therapist but I also spoke to some elderly family members and also went to the the Canberra War Memorial to find out what I could about her father whom I had never met - this was very helpful
And yes - I found reasons - the excuses never worked but the reasons did - I forgave her for my own sake - not hers - I didn't want to carry her stuff around with me - who would?
So - with your mother having the early stages of dementia it will be difficult for you to manage the whole situation - as you have written - she gets grumpy - as this progresses she may be more accepting of her condition - maybe forget what is happening which is sad. Maybe she will be less grumpy - people with dementia can be okay - just forgetful
All the best Meowmy - this is a tough road for you - can you look into finding respite for yourself - you will manage better if you have a break from time to time
Dec
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23-04-2019 09:55 AM
23-04-2019 09:55 AM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
@Owlunar thanks for posting.That is very helpful. Although it is uncomfortable but I know that is the reality with my very dysfunctional family. I just can only take it day by day. I probably fall in a hole again due to my mother but I can climb out of it too.
Thanks again.
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23-04-2019 10:11 AM
23-04-2019 10:11 AM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
Well said @Meowmy
Dysfunctional families are a problem - actually it was well into middle years that I realised my family was dysfunctional - but yes - we can and will fall into holes and we can and will crawl out of them
And we become who we are because of our families and in spite of them - I wrote a short novel about the Ugly Duckling's Mother and yes - I grew into a swan regardless of her and maybe an even better one than I would have done without her
Perhaps you are growing into a swan too - well - swans of a feather flock together
Dec
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23-04-2019 03:39 PM
23-04-2019 03:39 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
@Owlunar It is so good talking to you. I just finished work and got home. After work, I did some grocery shopping and did not feel compelled to go home as I used to. I don’t have the urge to care for my mother the way I would like to be cared for.
I feel very hurt. But I am ok. Thanks so much for everyone on the forum, that I feel balanced to work through day by day, little by little. @greenpea @Faith-and-Hope
I will take a walk on the beach and a coffee after shortly.
Thanks again for everyone care and support. It really make a difference.
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23-04-2019 03:50 PM
23-04-2019 03:50 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
@Owlunar I feel less obliged to care for my mother now. After all she said she will leave the house to my brother, so when he returns from interstate, I can may be slowly move out and distance myself.
My brother can look after her as he will inherit the house.
Somehow, I feel some sense of relief and freedom.
I need to do this slowly as I don’t want to go back to hospital. I hope I can get through this. It used to be I will become psychotic again and it starts again.
it is so hard.
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23-04-2019 08:49 PM
23-04-2019 08:49 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
So heartwarming to see the support for each other on these threads. Such a wonderful community here. Sending you strength and love @Meowmy, slowly does it, step by step
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23-04-2019 08:59 PM
23-04-2019 08:59 PM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
@Owlunar I didn’t fall in a hole tonight at least.Still sane!
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24-04-2019 09:09 AM
24-04-2019 09:09 AM
Re: Issues/things already worked through
That makes sense @Meowmy - caring for your mother then having her leave the house to your brother is unfair -
Actually regardless of who cares for her and who lives interstate favouring one child in her will is strange - and not at all what I would do - but people do strange things when it comes to wills -
Do they ever
And if you feel a sense of freedom knowing this and distancing yourself means you are doing the right thing for yourself - you don't want to become ill and go to hospital again - you seem to be caring for yourself in a healthy manner and you don't need anything to pull you back down again.
And I am glad you didn't fall into any holes last night - this is good news
I hope today you have the best day possible
Dec