Another celebrity who lost the battle

[ml87]

Hi everyone

I just heard the news about Robin Williams death. It's really bothering me. My heart breaks at any news of someone taking their own life, and as tragic as this is it's a reminder that it doesn't matter how famous or rich you are of if you seem to 'have it all', no one out there is safe from the loneliness and the demons of depression and MI.

A very sad reminder of the importance of talking with our loved ones and reaching out in those dark times.

Am I the only one who also finds it scary, like what if one day all of this advice and known good practice just doesn't work? I get scared that, like we all know, even though you know what is the right thing to do when you're feeling your worst, the chance of you being able to do something about it can seem impossible to get to. That's where Robin, and Charlotte Dawson, and many others before them would have found themselves.

Reach out everyone. Stay connected. Know that you are loved and a good day is just around the corner.

[NikNik]

Reach out everyone. Stay connected. Know that you are loved and a good day is just around the corner.

Well said.

When 'someone in the spotlight' passes away, it's not abnormal to have a reaction as you would if someone you knew in "real life" passed away. So many mixed & strong emotions when people in the spotlight pass away, and even more so when we feel like we can relate to them.

As you mentioned ml87, mental illness doesn't discriminate, even those who are rich and famous can get lost in the darkness of depression. Though it's important to remember, there is so much publicity about tragedies, it's so easy to forget that there are many who get through their 'dark days' - there just doesn't seem to be the headlines about it.

I encourage you & others not to question your stength or ability to pull through the dark times, but rather ensure you have the networks and strategies around you to mange things if things do get really tough.

When such tragedies happen, it's important to look after ourselves. Check in with yourself and those around you. Sometimes people made need some extra support - so don't hesitate to talk about it, call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or just chat to an empathetic ear

Nik

[kristin]

Hi ml87,

Terrible news, I didn't know until I read your post. What a tragic waste, as it always is, no matter who - famous or unkonwn beyond the circle of their loved ones.

It is very frightening, but you are right it is vital to break through the darkness and reach out at those times especially. I lost my brother 20 years ago and it still hurts, it's only in recent years that his birthday and Anzac Day weekend (when we found out) don't creep up on me with a long shadow of dread. I used the lesson I learned when he died - that we inherited the pain he was unable to speak about - to make sure I never went there myself, though I've felt depressed enough to feel like it over the years. Losing him came to have a positive benefit because it was like a vaccination in a strange sort of way. Whenever it even crossed my mind when I was severely depressed I would immediately think about the devastating effect on my kids and others who I love. It gave me the strength to slam the door on those thoughts, and say "I am not going there because I can't hurt them that way - I know what it feels like". So I would reach out and get help, and increasingly I learned to sit with my own pain and hold it gently.

I actually wrote a poem about learning to hold this and live, called Siren Song, which I'd share but it would probably set the filter off like a beacon, so I won't even try 🙂

Take care everyone.

Kind regards,

Kristin

[Pipkin]

Spent last night making similar decisions to robin Williams.
Feeling like crap, life is worthless, hate myself, no friends, no one want me to live, cant keep going, can never get anywhere.
In the end the world is run by ruthless business men who can't care who they hurt.
ended up decided I was in no state to make a rational life and death decision.
But what hope do we have of ever getting appropriate support when even amazing successful people like robin Williams are not able to access the support they need.

[Diatriber79]

Robin Williams was brilliant [in my opinion], the best in his class of his genre, & actually a good dramatic actor too. Rich, famous, you name it. Having already processed Charlotte Dawson, L'Wren Scott & a question mark over Peaches Geldoff, it is very very hard to observe that Robin Williams has succumbed. I know that he was always open about substance dependence which would have contributed, but really depression appears to have done this to him. I've loved him since Mork & Mindy! And seeing someone larger than life gone is just too surreal to process yet. I watched 'Dead Poets Society' as a type of informal tribute but foolishly forgot the s****** [apparently I can't use this word due to the power of suggestion & us all being infantile??] climax until it approached later in the movie. I have to admit that tonight I'm selfishly thinking 'with all the gifts & resources he had, if he can't make it, what does that say for me?' I saw a serious looking photograph of him briefly flash up on the news earlier. It made me realise that he was incredibly bright & complex, & sometimes the brightest stars of comedy are stalked by their own particular demons, as many comedians have previously commented upon. Even when controversial in his comedy, I couldn't help but laugh as he was shocking me out of my system, in a way, pulling me out of the mundane & the everyday worries [& who doesn't want that?] Maybe he couldn't outrun it anymore, but wow did he contribute a lot, & ironically, pull so many of us up out of our dreary days & elicit laughs in hard times. He objected to the Iraq war but headed out there numerous times to entertain the troops, the Bob Hope of his day. I saw him in an interview joking that his daughter would be receiving bedtime stories from him & just ask him to 'read it straight,' which reminded me he was a family man in his non celebrity life. I hope they will cope & understand & if necessary forgive him. I'm not sure why this has effected me so hard as I obviously didn't know the man but he was so talented that he just reached across all the divides & charmed me. I'm relieved for him as I wouldn't want him to suffer anymore, but it does lead to a lot of questioning of the self & the world. What was going through his mind, at what point did the burdens outweigh the hope, etc. For those left behind to wonder I suppose we can only try to take lessons. I'm still trying to process as I said. RIP Robin

[CherryBomb]

Hi Pipkin,

Robin William's death has shocked and saddened many of us. When a celebrity that is larger than life dies it can affect us deeply. His larger than life personality and his hardships was something that touched many people. So I think many people are feeling a sense of grief - as we do when we loose someone close to us. This can make us question our own place in life, particularly when we see similarities about us in them. Their pain becomes something that we can identify with. 

It can make us question: how did it get to this for him? A man who had just about everything at his disposal - fame and fortune. I think this can show that mental illness does not discriminate. It can affect anyone. Regardless of their status, income, resources, mental illness can be a battle. But it's not a fight that is always lost. 

Unfortunately, however, the media has a frenzy with stories like this. As the saying goes, 'if it bleeds, it leads.' This can reinforce perceptions about mental illness - that it's a lost cause - which is not necessarily true. We rarely get to see the victories of many people that do recover. Moreover, we barely see, the  ordinary people (like you and me) who suffer, but survive and go on to shine. And when we miss out on these stories, only to see the tragedy of the stars, it can reinforce negative thoughts about yourself and the world. But remember, you  have come along way. To get here and share with us take tremendous strength and courage. 

There may be ruthless business men in the world, though remember, there are also people out there that care too. More importantly, there are people who care about you. I care about you, and there are many other people on this community who care about you too. 

I am concerned about you and I want to you stay safe. I strongly encourage you to;

• Keep in mind that your thoughts are symptoms of an illness – they are not based on fact
• Keep in mind your thoughts do not have to be acted on
• Make a list of things that have kept you safe in the past (something you enjoy doing, TV, games, things you can do right now) & draw on these if you’re not feeling safe

More importantly, don't hesitate to contact these services if you feel unsafe:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14  - or online crisis chat (it looks like it’s available right now)  https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat 
• Suicide call back service – 1300 659 467 or online counselling https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/register 

I'm interested if anyone else can talk about how they have survived a dark patch? What have you done to cope?

Take care,

CherryBomb

[CherryBomb]

Hi there Diatriber79,
My thoughts regarding Robin Williams is in my previous post above.
But just to answer your question about the automatic filter about using the 'S' word. The purpose of having it was to prevent triggering words and ensure safety of community members. But after a lot of feedback from members like yourself this was reviewed and is going to change. It might take a few weeks to implement. So thanks for you input.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Diatriber, Cherry Bomb and everyone else,
Robin Williams has brought so much joy to me, my family and my friends that keeps me focused on his gifts to the world. I am glad his body of work was a bit of a soundtrack to my own life, growing up with Mork and Mindy, laughing at Garp, and giggling at Mrs Doubtfire. Perhaps he was unable to ask for the help he needed, I think sometimes it must be really difficult when you have that level of fame.
My hope is that none of us ever feel unable to ask for help.

[kristin]

Dear Pipkin,

Please do not listen to this dark place where you find yourself.  I know you are desperate for help, please do not give up. Keep looking. I'm so glad you recognised that you weren't able to make a rational decision and didn't.

I tried to respond to your reply yesterday but some silly technical bug blocked my post. The gist of it was please do not give up looking. Help is out there, but I know firsthand you just about have to take a daily "stubbornness p1ll" to get through times like this. I'm known for being pig-headed and at times it is a trait worth fostering, I'm happy to share it with anyone :-), especially friends - and that is what we are growing into is it not?

I for one care what happens to you and I am sure there are many others here too. You may not see it yet but you have much to offer the world which is unique to you - so you are important. Each and every one of us is.

Yes it is deeply distressful when someone "successful" like RW takes their own life, but it shows that this "black dog" of depression knows no boundaries. I suspect that it is probably harder for someone famous to get help, not because they can't afford it but because the paparazzi would be all over them like a rash (are anyhow), and it would be trumpeted to the world. I'd never want to be famous.

CB asked what has helped us, and I have been through this feeling many times. I lost my brother 20 years ago and it still hurts like hell. The allure of release is just a siren song, the suffering is handed to those who really care about you (and can even increase their risk). I learned to close a door in my mind like a steel trap whenever my head started in that direction, at first I had to force myself not to think about it when I was severely depressed. Each time I did that it got a tiny bit easer to turn my mind away and not allow myself to even think about it for an instant. Finding someone to talk to was also a key for me, someone trustworthy. If that's someone at Lifeline then do that.

Hope is what you need to hold onto please Pipkin, even if it is day by day or minute by minute.

Kind regards,

Kristin

[Fatima]

My daughter who suffers from schizophrenia was also deeply moved by his demise. Courage to you.