The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Snowie]

Hi @Sans911, what you been up to today? How are you going?

[Sans911]

Not travelling great atm. Slept a fair bit in the two days after self medicating. Feeling sad and alone.

What about you, how are you doing?

[Snowie]

Thought that may have been the case sis, I know the last week or two have been hard, even before your trip away.

You are never alone sweetheart, sitting right next to you. But do know that irl is so different to on here. 

I am going ok, had psych today so talked about some big emotions I've been having. Feeling very overwhelmed the last few days, but hoping it passes with time. 

@Sans911

[Sans911]

Yeah, my pyschologist appt was Monday, and it was challenging. We were exploring alternatives to SH as it's pretty much like an addiction for me, but couldn't come up with anything.

My resignation from the suicide prevention network didn't go smoothly at all. She was very harsh on me. It's been hard to deal with. Especially when people say there will other opportunities to bring me purpose and fill my time. They don't understand the feeling I have of failure and shame.

Hugs my sis for being in a difficult place 💙💜💙💜💙💜

[Snowie]

@Sans911 I so understand when you say about SH being an addiction for you. My psych has spoken to me about SH being like that for me. Where some ppl use substances, I seem to SH the same ways. 

I am glad you resigned, this lady seems to have her own problems and cannot respect others and their opinions. 

Hugs for you too, with sitting with such strong feelings 💙💜💙💜

[Sans911]

I so want to go back to sleep but I can't as I'm waiting on an Airbb guest who has been coming from the other side of the city. I though he had messaged to say he was at the bus stop, and to go get him (not far at all). But he wasn't there when I got there.

20mins later--he's calling me from outside the house trying to locate my house. So he's here, and gone again in search of something to eat.

I'll push myself to stay awake until I feed the furry ones. I have a coffee in hand to help a little

[Snowie]

That makes it challenging hun when you have someone there and all you want to do is sleep. Hoping you can do that soon.

How are your furry babies going? Are they sticking close to you? Sometimes I think they know when we are going through more and sad, they tend to stay closer.

I will stay with you tonight sis until you log out. That way you will not be alone tonight @Sans911

[Sans911]

Jasper is currently snuggled up next to my leg @Snowie

He's done that a few times today and yesterday. But never before today. It's interesting to see his character and behaviour evolve. I need to feed both of them after this post. Mr A is pacing and meowing for his food. He does care a hot about my moods. He's not the best fit for me, or me for him. I really think he's an outdoor cat, which is why he sprays every where.

I'm not SH tonight. Not with someone here. I can't expose to that.

[Snowie]

@Sans911

Well I am glad you have Jasper snuggled up next to you 

I am glad you are not SH tonight, but understand how hard it is to stop. Having others there seems to stop you, not wanting others to witness it.

I will still sit with you until you log off and long after that, you mean so much to me.  

[Sans911]

I have exposed others to the things I've done, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of what they've had to witness. My ex housemate has has to call an ambulance once.

My pyschologist knows what I was likely to do this week, and asked me to contact her. But what can really do anyway? I'm ashamed that I've fallen to this level again. I can find many reasons not to do, but can't find many alternatives to stopping it.

Is there anything that you find as an alternative or a reason to stop?

Thank you for sitting with me, I appreciate it. I hope though, that this doesn't trigger you or make things harder for you. If that's the case, be honest with me, and I will go.