I have exposed others to the things I've done, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of what they've had to witness. My ex housemate has has to call an ambulance once.

My pyschologist knows what I was likely to do this week, and asked me to contact her. But what can really do anyway? I'm ashamed that I've fallen to this level again. I can find many reasons not to do, but can't find many alternatives to stopping it.

Is there anything that you find as an alternative or a reason to stop?

Thank you for sitting with me, I appreciate it. I hope though, that this doesn't trigger you or make things harder for you. If that's the case, be honest with me, and I will go.