Life and trauma

[rav3n]

@Former-Member i couldn't do breakfasts for a while too. i just had no appetite for the first half of the day. not sure if its because of gym or something else, but i suddenly started to get it back.

omg that was quick!! yeah i wish they'd be better at communicating the time. i guess in a way its better its done early than having to feel that anxious dread for 2 more hours.

i'm so sorry that the lady wasn't able to give you more hope. how about this - you can keep a low expectation about the letter, while we keep the high hopes for you? that way it'll hurt a lil less if things don't go your way?

it's so nerve-wrecking hey! glad you were able to pull over in time. i kept feeling the need to say 'i'm sorry pls overtake me'. but i ended up just avoiding eye contact with everyone hehe. thank youuuu, luckily it isn't a super busy week so i should be good! 

[Former-Member]

@rav3n I don't have an appetite at all lately, I only eat cos I start getting dizzy/nauseous and remember that I haven't had anything to eat for the last day or so. 

I'm glad it's over and done with. I've submitted the letter but not expecting a quick reply as she is out doing inspections aswell. I have zero hope of this letter changing anything so you can hold all the hope you want. I can't handle the disappointment so I'm prepared for the worst but I know even then it's going to hit me hard. It's not just my life that's on the line here. I just got my life back together, things weren't supposed to go like this, there's no way I could go through what happened again. 

It's definitely nerve-wracking, I avoid eye contact with everyone anyway 😂. 

[rav3n]

@Former-Member sucks that the anxiety and trauma's really messed up the appetite system for you, i hope one day you'll get it back 💙

i hear how frustrating and exhausting it is to hold hope and be disappointed again and again. i really wish life was more fair. but the fact that you've overcome so much and you're standing here now is just proof to me that you CAN get through this. 

yay to submitting the letter! do you have much else planned for the rest of today? hopefully you get some rest after the hectic morning.

eye contact stresses me out sometimes... like one time i felt like i wasn't looking at someone's eyes properly, and then i looked at only one eye and forgot how to look at both so i just ended the convo cos it was too much 😆

[Former-Member]

@rav3n [edited by moderator]

I held hope with everything I already tried and every time I was let down, now I just don't have it in me to hold any hope. 

I don't have anything planned for the rest of the day. It's Wednesday so my routine gets messed up tonight having to sit in a noisy and busy room for 2 hours from 7.30-9.30pm.

I totally get you on the eye contact. Like where am I supposed to look, so much easier to just avoid conversations..

[rav3n]

@Former-Member it's like how in spiderman they say "expect disappointment and you won't be disappointed". it's okay if you don't want to get hopeful/excited about it, now that the letter's submitted, you can pour your energy into something that does make you happy (like your art!!)

oh what's at 7:30-9:30?

exactly haha i'd rather just text them instead 

[Former-Member]

@rav3n i got my colouring out but I haven't done any. Decided I needed to make a phone call to sane cos things are a bit too overwhelming right now. 

[rav3n]

glad you gave them a call @Former-Member hoping some of that tensions been relieved after that.

what colouring did you have out? also have you ever made book nooks?

[Former-Member]

@rav3n no tension released but it was nice to chat to someone. 

The same mandala that I quit on last night cos I stuffed up. I haven't done any more of it yet. And no I've never made book nooks

[rav3n]

that's good! @Former-Member 

ahh yep, those mandala ones can be a fiddley. but the good part is, it's hard for people to notice the stuff up from a distance... the people doesn't include the colour-er though, it stands out to artist 😅

i've never made a book nook either, was going to ask you if it was hard to make haha. i don't even have space on my bookshelf for one so maybe now's not the best time to try one. besides you builder bear collection, do you have anything else that you like collecting?

[Former-Member]

@rav3n yeah but this stuff up i feel is really noticeable 😂. 

Not sure i could take on any more crafts at the moment, kind of have enough happening. I have lots of collections, there's the build a bears, beanie kids, DVDs, colouring books, Lego, hot wheels cars, monster trucks.