My Mosaic

[Bow]

Yeah get a bit bored @Jynx  and D has been annoying me more than anything unfortunately 

[Bow]

Been thinking about it a lot today… well not thinking about it, more being forced to remember it.
I don’t wanna do tomorrow.

[Jynx]

@Snowie yeah hectic! Aww thanks hun, and I hope you get your opportunity for a sublime family dinner all too soon! 😊

@Bow aww hun, hugs for you 🫂

What's on tomorrow? I figured you were too sick to be off n doing stuff!

[Bow]

Wrote about it a few pages back maybe @Jynx  its my lil bros birthday. But is also the week from hell when I realised my then step dad was a monster and SA and R me for well over a week while mum was in hospital with my lil bro. So bloody hard to celebrate my bros life when it represents something so painful to me. 

[Jynx]

That's so challenging @Bow, to have to manage the painful memories whilst also trying to celebrate a loved one. Does your bro know that this is a difficult time of year for you?

[Bow]

I’m not 100% sure what was shared with my brother @Jynx  but I do feel like he knows something went down. He never talks about his real dad. 

it’s just another shitty time of the year that I have to deal with  and that I ruin for my family. 

[Jynx]

I highly doubt your family see it that way @Bow. Besides, you could also look at it like, your family ruin this special occasion by not providing care and reassurance for you at a time when you're extra vulnerable, and just expecting you to be able to suppress all your feelings and go along 'business-as-usual'. 

I don't necessarily think that, I'm just trying to point out that situations like these are complex, life is complex, and your narrative may not be the most accurate one. Do you have the kind of relationship with your brother where you could open up to him more about it, let him know why it's so hard for you? Perhaps you could even make an agreement or something where the two of you do something special for his birthday at a different time of year.

[Bow]

Nah @Jynx  I don’t really have that good a relationship with my brother to sit down with him and find out what he knows and work some other alternative away of celebrating his birthday. 
At least this year there will be no celebrating today. Everyone is sick, including them. 

I took a few extra prn last night, slept great. But am a bit groggy and sleepy unsteady 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Bow just wanted to check in and let you know I'm thinking of you today

[Bow]

Hi thanks @Ru-bee 

It’s a hard day. hiding under the covers in bed. Not really able to do my usual things that I do to cope at the moment. There are things that I desperately wanna do. 

how are you?