My Mosaic

[rav3n]

hey @Bow i'm so sorry to hear that today's group session was triggering for you, i can see that it's drained a lot of energy from you - please do rest up!

i do want to say that i'm really proud of you for getting ready, attending the group session and doing your best to engage - it takes a lot of courage to show up and participate. 

do you have any self-care plans for tonight? 

[Bow]

Every weeks session is hard @rav3n  i messaged my SW on the way home…. Saying is this ever going to get easy, each week is just as hard as the previous one. 
It’s hard cause there is only the 2 of us mostly. So kinda gotta engage and participate. Nowhere to really hide. 

I’m just watching some tv. I’d really like to go to bed but a show starts tonight that daughter and I want to watch. 

[Bow]

Feeling heaps shattered tonight

[rav3n]

sorry to hear you're feeling shattered @Bow, my heart goes out to you. i know today took a lot out of you, i'm really glad you've been communicating with your SW about how your feeling too. 

oh yes i see what you mean, it is much harder to hide in a small group... but also means you get more time prioritised on supporting you? 

that's so nice you're staying up to watch a show with your daughter! hopefully she falls asleep soon so you can sneak off to bed too 😊

hoping that you'll feel more energised after you get some rest ✨

i'm going to leave the links here in your reach if you'd like to reach out tonight, i know today's been tough and you deserve the space to talk it out:

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ 
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ 
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

[Snowie]

@Bow 💌💌

[Bow]

Yes I know what I need to bloody do. I know exactly. If I could do that…. We would not be having this conversation and I would not be in this situation. 

[Eve7]

Here with you @Bow 

❤️

[Bow]

Honestly how does one get better and recover when they feel so stuck and such a massive part has no desire to recover. The extent of self hatred and self loathing is far greater than my desire to do the things they tell me to do to get better. It will always be a barrier. Fat. Disgust. 

[rav3n]

hey @Bow i know it might be hard to see the bright side of things right now but i do want to remind you that recovery isn't linear. there will be ups and downs, and barriers as you've mentioned but the good news is that there's ALWAYS a way to overcome them eventually. 

i'm sorry that you're feeling a lot of self-hatred/self-loathing right now, i know that feeling can be quite icky at times. please don't forget to speak kindly to yourself, you matter to us 💗

[Bow]

The self hatred is constant @rav3n  thats why recovery feeels so out of reach. I’m angry, frustrated, disappointed, I feel so hopeless. I can’t imagine living a life feeling like this forever. It’s relentless. No one can help me, I’ve had so many people and no one can help makes things better.