Not Coping

[Jynx]

@Birdofparadise8 it should be visible now - and I'm not sure what colours to go with your couch, but pick something you like! 

I reckon maybe in and of itself, it could be worth bringing up with your psych the fact that this is something you desire, but that also you would be very upset if he declined. Because him declining a hug would have nothing to do with you, it would be part of his code of ethics - but if it still would bring up feelings of rejection, it's potentially something you could work through with him. 

Aww thanks @tonys - poetry really is an incredible, and underappreciated art form! If I get around to starting a poetry thread I'll be sure to tag you!

Anywho I'm off for the evening gang, catch you soon 💜

[Birdofparadise8]

It's all good; it's hard to pick. I wish the couch wasn't so bright. 

Yeah, well there will be some sort of outcome, I guess @Jynx 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 can you ask your psych what he thinks about hugs? Like, do you think it is ever appropriate to give your client/patient a hug? That way he's not rejecting you, he's expressing his thoughts.

I get the rejection thing, that has been the most serious problem I have had to overcome my entire life. It comes from the perception that when my parents split I thought my dad was rejecting me because he didn't want me anymore. Considering he didn't speak to me for about 8 years after the split he really did reject me. He did it again when I was an adult and told me I was no longer his daughter. I then got involved with men who did the same thing as my father did, cheated and rejected me. Just as I thought I was getting past it my best friend rejects me as I have said previously.

Sorry, I tend to run off at the mouth a lot on this forum. Maybe it's my way of trying to be heard in a world that never listens to me.

Do what you are comfortable with lovely, if you'd rather not say anything, that's okay. And I'm sending you a hug all the way from Perth 🤗

[Birdofparadise8]

ah, okay, bounce it back to him. I like that @ENKELI 

He probably will see what angle I'm coming at. He picks things up very easily. 

It's okay, I don't mind. 

Yeah, rejection is probably one of my main triggers after facing at least 13 years of constant rejection at school. 

[ENKELI]

@tonys you have a beautiful mind. I feel better after hearing from you. 

When my mind tells me I am fat, ugly and unlovable, I read your posts and think maybe I'm not so bad if someone like you takes time to chat with me.

Have a great evening and keep bending those bananas   Tonys' Ba-na-nas 🙂

[tonys]

OH @ENKELI   Mate..   I think you may have bought my old mirror.  It gives of distorted unflattering. reflections.   Your posts are your  true reflection.   I see a man who is thoughtful and accepting of 

others.   A humble man .   Intelligent.   A gentleman.  When we play cards, I feel I am the greater beneficiary.  You are generous enough with your time that you feel true meaning beneath another's words  .   Thats rare my friend.

I mean really. . .   someone who learns Finnish language as a kid.  Wanna swap minds. . .  ?

You have a great night Enkeli.   Perhaps it not the banana that should be bent,   but us.  'From the Matrix"                                                                                                                     tonys..

[ENKELI]

Thanks @tonys.

As soon as I hit 30 and found myself single after being cheated on by 2 fiancès I started to think it really was me who was the problem. I spent many years looking for a partner but when my last ex cheated I gave up and now I have accepted that I will never know what it's like to be married or have kids.

I wish there were more tonys in this world, maybe in a parallel universe I'm happily married and a mum because someone like you was kind and caring 😊

[ENKELI]

There really needs to be more awareness of MH issues. It's better than it was but people need to see the consequences of their actions. You're a sensitive soul, like a lot of people who live with mental illness and people just walk all over you or treat you like crap. They don't care that we're left broken. 

I pray you gain the strength and you overcome all the hurt and pain you've suffered.

You deserve the world my friend. 💐

[tonys]

Jeepers  @ENKELI ..  You made all 6ft 5 of me grind to a halt and mop a tear. . .   or 10.

Mate.   First,  best I apologise sincerely.   I just thought you were a bloke.  I read your words "happily married mum'   and all my hub caps fell off..   I am autistic and slow to get things and I miss posts,

but thats a vital bit of info that makes me 'panic'  pedal backwards and hope all my posts were respectful

and mannerly.   I have made that same mistake 3 times in the last 3 months with forum members. 

OK . . .  I hope I got all that right..    Enkeli.. "angel"   

You are not, and never  were the projected phantom of other peoples thoughts.    You are the softest,  most gentle person I have spoken to in a long time,   Vulnerable,  but I see that as quality.    Many with MH issues go into survival mode,  but your post always have care an thought for others in abundance.  That's why my face lit up when I first read your

letters.   There are beautiful people on here,  So they must be out there somewhere  too.

Somehow though,   you have to have a deep and meaningful  love affair  with yourself first..  and be a little selfish about it to.   The way men's minds work in this forgery of a  world.   I want to save that for another day.   

I went on a dating site once. In the news paper it was.   old days..  most of the adds read.  Looking for tall,  or financially secure,  travel ,  dining out.  You know.  Chip wrapper adds.   

My add said .. One thing.   Looking for a poet..   Only had one reply.  and 8  beautiful years later she past away.

Use the right bait and even I found love,   and children cross the street crying,  when they see me coming.

I'm going to somehow get you to understand how beautiful you are.  Not sure how, but I'll do it.

I pick each word up that some one writes specially for me. Hold it to the sun so the rays refract their beauty.  Yours  truly  sing my friend.  Even through the pain.  Parallel universe you say. 

I'll  hold hands in that one with you for sure.   But you n me. .    lets see what we can do in this one first  hey.

Enkeli.         

Bit tired and foggy but I hope I can find you tomorrow night  my friend.             Tonys..

[StanD]

Hello @ENKELI 

Thankyou for thinking of me. You seem to be such a gentle, beautiful, soft soul. Idk, that is my first impression. I think it's ok if we don't know each other, & still say hello.

I am behind on my messages. I couldn't read all the pages I have missed out on, I had a laugh at silly comments on this page & felt blessed & in awe at the kindness expressed.

Weirdly, I jumped on here now because I wanted to share a poem. I don't have anyone else to tell it to. I noticed another beautiful poem - I guess I am in the right place. @ENKELI your name intrigues me - it's almost out of the future?!

@Birdofparadise8 I loved your meaning behind your name.

Thankyou for sharing.

I was in a psych appt in January last year - wow a year ago. I can't recall what the psych asked me exactly, however, my response was that, I thought I needed to 'keep going until ' ....& Then there was a long pause,

& Then I said, 'i can stand.'

The look on his face was pride, or happiness. Idk, I felt like I 'got' it for one of the first times.

Thus I chose my name to remind me of what I am wanting for myself. It also has an Eminem connection, the way I turned it into a name. His music is /was about overcoming & so powerful(& I love Dido)

12 months later, I did not expect to feel all the trauma I am going through now. My life has completely changed. New town, new house, new company, new perceptions etcetera. Wow - I have come sooo far. 

Back then, I recall being extremely defensive. I don't know if I was cruel, however, I was in bad company. Being rude & hateful, was very sadly, commonplace for me. I thought it was normal.

Ok. That is more than I expected to say. Enough about me! ...

Or is it all about me? I like being me. Maybe I could love being me. Would that be ok?

Poem - it's not perfect, we don't have to be perfect, to be amazing❤️

I don't have to feel 

Any type of way 

About you 

And I don't have to dance 

When you build me 

Up to 

I don't have to 

Call you back 

It's my phone I own  

I don't owe you 

Jack 

If you invite me out

One day 

I can say, 'no thankyou'

I'm not afraid

When you offer 

Your gifts of doubt 

I don't care 

If I miss out 

If you see me 

On your bedroom

Windowsill 🪟

(I am dust)

In Sunshine 🌤️

• STiLL

Thankyou for reading x 

And allowing me a space to share. 

@NatureLover  @TAB  @Former-Member @tyme @Appleblossom @Shaz51 I wanted to share my poem with you guys too oops & @StuF & anyone imiss