Triggered and struggling

[Gremlin24]

Ok right now I've been triggered by quite a few things and it's sent me into overdrive. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to bring myself down from this level cos everything I've been trying isn't working. I can't think straight, my thoughts are racing, my body is feeling so many different things at once. I feel so close to the edge of just losing control completely and giving in to everything.

I'm getting frustrated at the smallest of things and then it just feels like the world is going to end because of it. I'm trying to colour but even that is just so much effort and I'm getting frustrated trying to work out what colour to use for what parts. 

Just when I think things might be OK and I've had like a short 20 minute break of things being so intense, it's straight back to square one and everything is so much worse. 

My chest hurts, my heart is pounding so hard and fast, I can't breathe properly and I can't stop shaking. I've had enough of this feeling, i just want to make it stop, i just want some relief 😞

[tyme]

I hear how much you are triggered and struggling @Gremlin24 .

In line with our Community Guidelines, what does support from the community look like for you at the moment?

Would you consider calling a helpline? 

Sitting with you.

[Gremlin24]

@tyme I've done that, I've reached out for help but honestly it's just not getting me anywhere. I'm sorry, I know everyone has had enough of hearing about my pathetic problems when so many others have it worse. 

I'm just sick of it being like this, it's like everyday is getting harder to fight and get through. At what point can I just give up so I don't have to hurt anymore. 

[tyme]

"Not hurting anyone"? Then giving up is not an option @Gremlin24 

We believe in you. You CAN do it.

Let the community know what support at this time looks like to you.

We are here for you.

[Gremlin24]

@tyme I'm just trying to not sit alone with everything by myself. So just chatting and trying to keep my mind distracted. 

Being in my own head right now is an incredibly scary place and one i want to escape from. 

[tyme]

Absolutely @Gremlin24 . It's not easy to escape your own head.

Do you have online games you play? Or games on your phone? I find this can sometimes be a good distraction.

[Gremlin24]

@tyme i do play some games on my phone but get bored very easily of them.

At the moment my focus has quickly turned to my heart. The one thing we were hoping this medication wouldn't affect and it seems to be having an impact now with my heart rate spiking to 193bpm when all I'm doing is sitting on my bed. I think I'm in for a long night. 

[tyme]

Actually, now that you say that, I got a phone call from someone about 2 weeks ago who mentioned medication gave him extremely high blood pressure. 

In the end, he ended up going into a private clinic, had TMS and they gave him the med while in the clinic to monitor his heart. It was to determine it was the heart or anxiety. 

Does private admission work for you? @Gremlin24 

[Gremlin24]

@tyme never heard of private admission. But I only go through the public system. 

Unfortunately they haven't been able to work out what's going on with my heart and my doctor was concerned that this medication could affect it as it's one of the side effects but others are riskier. 

[tyme]

Fair enough @Gremlin24 .

If it gets worse, please contact 000.