Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

So so so much going on,
Appeal from criminal court for ex was heard this week but haven't heard an outcome yet
Family court next week
A new mental health care plan needs to be made apparently
Then see the psychiatrist the following week
Have moved into the refuge properly now I guess but still have to sort out old house and stuff there but finding it hard to be there. Support workers helping though.
My night meds make me cry and feel awful but if I don't take them I'll have to go to hospital and there's nowhere for my kids. Sometimes I feel so trapped by everything I just wish there was an easy escape from it all.
So I'm going day by day and surviving

[Appleblossom]

Dear lj

It is probably going to be like this for a while ... but you can do it ... it really is better if you can manage without going into hospital ... just one less thing to destabilise kids and for ex to hang on you.

Please believe it is worthwhile to be a mum ... even if it is years of unrelenting slog and few back pats .. there are weird things that can really blow your mind but are based on reality ... you know my daughter was hanging out with Al Gore and driving him around etc for her job ... In spite of all my issues and beyond the fact that she doesnt understand me ... she is very successful ... it was more my job to understand what was good for her than her job to understand me ... so on some levels I am ok with it ...  she is ok and that is what counts ...your story will be uniquely yours ... but there will be pleasant surprises along the way ...

motherhood can be a beautiful privilege and insight into being human.

[Shimmer]

Wow so much going on @Former-Member!

Going day by day is a great approach.

I'm glad your support workers are helpful. Do you feel like you can turn to them when you're feeling overwhelmed?

We're here for you too @Former-Member

[PeppiPatty]

Yeah I agree with the girl ( Isabella)
Today husband bought me a fab steam cleaner off gumtree ..... ( yes me and steam cleaner are in love)
And I'm talking constantly now oldest son is calling me I'm gonna do this and do thAt and as usual I'm gonna retort what do you know about him .................
............,
And my h says look Anne he's making it alone he doesn't want your help. And after 5 mins of grumbling I realised he is right. And something I've worked on all their life.
I'm feeling proud that he's almost 25 and can live his own life.

[Former-Member]

Appleblossom you are right about motherhood, I can see that and most of the time ive felt that it's just I wonder how someone as messed up - with no experience of a 'normal' safe family environment - like me can really be doing everything or even enough right for them. I just want so much for them... And I don't feel good enough. Even though people tell me I'm doing ok and they are doing ok too I just can't get rid of the feeling that in just flawed in too basic a way to be fixed.? And then everything about them at the moment is hard... As much as I love them they are just being terrors at the moment which is understandable with the move and everything but so hard to deal with every minute

@Shimmer thank you, I'm very grateful to the lovely ladies who come and support me but I'm a bit hesitant to tell them how low I get and usually when I'm at my lowest is middle of the night of course or some other out of reach time.

@PeppiPatty you sound so chuffed with your son, I'm so glad that he is the capable young man that you worked so hard to raise, just like appleblossoms daughter. You have both done such great jobs through everything you've been through! Right now I just not sure I'm anywhere near as tough as you two!

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @Former-Member

You dont know this, it;s very hard to take in but you are a lot stronger than I ever was. It is how it is.

if I was with you, I would come over, clean up your home and leave you to spend a day doing lj things. It makes me feel so frustrated that this simple job is so difficult to get. 

We think you are absolutely doing it hard and doing the work too. 

If you have time, can you sit in your bedrrom and watch the moon. It lifts up and watches you like we do

[NikNik]

That is such a lovely post @PeppiPatty - I would be there with you both, doing lj things

[PeppiPatty]

@Former-Member

You dont know this, it's very hard to take in but you are a lot stronger than I ever was. It is how it is.

if I was with you, I would come over, clean up your home and leave you to spend a day doing lj things. It makes me feel so frustrated that this simple job is so difficult to get. 

We think you are absolutely doing it hard and doing the work too. 

If you have time, can you sit in your bedroom and watch the moon. It lifts up and watches you like we do

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @NikNik because the post is printed out twice ??

Please don't think I'm showing off .....
I've done that many many times in my life but ..... Last time about 5 or 6 years ago last time o did that ..... For a lady who was struggling for 6 months o religiously went to her home one a fortnight o told her o don't like listening
To problems but I can clean and she can talk to everyone else. Two years later, she sent me a card and thanked me. It was a great feeling
It would be natural @NikNik for us to do it together