Gambling is ruining my life

[Sammy22]

Hi. I’m a 50 y.o. Woman who has had some big life changes in the past few years. I am ashamed to say I have gotten myself into a big hole financially by gambling. I feel like such a failure. Loneliness is probably the main reason I started gambling and now I am addicted to the feeling I get from zoning out and feeding these machines. I would like to chat to others who may have been or are still in the same situation. 

[tyme]

Addiction is real. I’m sorry it has taken a toll on you. @Sammy22 

I’d love to connect with you more.

You know what? Recognising there is a problem is the first step, and reaching out is the next step. You have already done both. This takes strength and perseverance. Good on you.

[Sammy22]

Thank you for your message. I feel very alone in my struggle. I have tried many many times over the years to kick this habit unsuccessfully. I stay away for a month or 2 but I always go back.

[tyme]

Can you self-exclude yourself? @Sammy22 

You deserve to be supported.

[Sammy22]

I have self excluded from many pubs and clubs but I just go further to get to the pokies. I have to go to each pub/club individually to self exclude and, because I live in the city, I just keep going to the next suburb over and then the next suburb. I will self exclude from the one I went to last night, as you have a good point. I will try my best to get on top of this. 
I am also strongly considering telling my family who don’t know anything about what I do. I think accountability might be helpful at this stage. But I’m scared of the judgement. I guess it can’t be any worse then the judgement I put on myself. 
Thank you for letting me talk it through with you. 

[tyme]

You are right. Accountability (not judgement) plays a huge part in this. @Sammy22 

Thank you for being so open.

At the same time, it is about working with the underlying emotions driving the addiction. Otherwise self exclusion is a bandaid.

Im here to walk with you through this.

[Sammy22]

I agree with you. I do have some issues that I have talked to several therapists about. I think I am getting on top of them but then they creep back up on me. 

TW: Self-Harm

Content/trigger warning

I need to probably also face the fact that I self medicate and self sabotage with both alcohol and gambling. 

I am a mother to adult children, a daughter to elderly parents, a valued employee, a friend to many and yet I feel all alone with my emotional pain. 

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @Sammy22 ,

It takes a lot of recognise there's a problem.

In my own recovery, I've learnt that loneliness starts from within. It doesn't matter how many people you have around you, you can still feel lonely and empty - and this feeling can be the driver of unhelpful coping strategies. 

We created a thread only last week about dependency. Feel free to have a browse Dependency and Recovery 

[Sammy22]

Thank you Tyme. I will definitely have a look. I don’t understand how this whole chat forum thing works so sorry if I overshared here on this thread

[tyme]

Hey @Sammy22 ,

No stress! You haven't overshared. Through moderation, when there is discussion about self-harm, it gets put in a spoiler with a trigger warning (TW) so that people have a choice whether to read it or not. 

Members just need to click on the bar "Content Warning" and they can read the rest of your post.

You haven't overshared at all. 

We appreciate you trusting the community with your story. 

It takes courage to do this.