Hello @chibam
I have thought about your words for some time now.
I do feel hesitant in replying as I am aware that we look at this topic from different perspectives.
I do not have the answer for how you will find what you are seeking.
My perspective is that you are seeking something that you perceive to be real.
Perhaps an ideal of how you would like to be as a person you see in a relationship, family, friendship.
My way of looking at the quandary with mainstream society is
mainstream is boring
mainstream is copycat and pretend
mainstream does not think for itself but mimics
mainstream is not in touch with reality
mainstream is not imaginative or creative
Mainstream families, friends, couples are the same as watching a film about the ideal life!
Everyone gets on with everyone
Everyone is happy all of the time
Everyone agrees with everyone all of the time
Nobody argues
This is happiness?
Not in my mind.
My mind believes that seeking an ideal is not reality as what is an ideal? Who measures that?
Seeking happiness is a choice and we can try.
We might not find what we are looking for as in a preconceived of what we should have to be happy.
So why not change what we are looking for?
Why not stop looking?
Why not change what we do?
Why not change the question?
Why not work out what we really want? No what we believe we should have but what do we really want as an individual?
We all do not want to feel lonely. This is a human need. This is natural. This is not mental illness or a disability or condition.
My example when I go for a walk and I notice my environment I feel new energy within.
I notice the trees. I notice the different trees, the different sizes, shapes, colours. I notice the wind or breeze or lack of. I notice the grass, plants, nature. I notice the sky, the clouds, the glare or the moon, the stars at night.
If I am at the beach, I notice the sand, the sand dunes, the seaweed, the sea, the movement of the water, the colour of the water and so on.
I take notice of the smells.
I listen to the sounds. The seaside sounds are incredible when you really zone into them.
As are the sounds in the country, the hills.
The city sounds are different again.
The sounds of people, traffic, life, laughter.
Movement.
I want a part of the laughter too.
I know that most people bore me though.
I do not want to keep asking them different questions to find out about them when they give me monotone responses and do not enquire about me at all.
So I am happier alone than with them.
My theory is and this is mine that when I am happier within myself by doing what I enjoy and noticing real life which is nature and my environment, I smile more and people notice me and return my smile.
I feel included and then I do not feel lonely.
I do not need to sit in a cafe with noisy people and talk about boring every day stuff as that irritates me.
Most of the people you see in cafes are talking about boring stuff, their problems about their lives or their sufferings. Then there are the couples and families who go out together but sit there and are serious. Or they scroll through their phones.
Do you get where I am going with this?
We do not see behind closed doors the unhappiness as people are so busy. Too busy keeping up with each other all outdoing each other.
This probably makes no sense to you and I am hoping that you just stop reading if that is the case.
I do not want to upset you further.
I do not have the answer to your questions. You do.
I can only share my perspective.
That is exactly the same with any therapist or counsellor.
I do hope though that you are able to move past what has been and look at now which can help lead to a change in the future.
Your turn if you want to continue the conversation
