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Oh gosh, @Emelia8 - such unspeakable loss you have suffered throughout your life...am so very, very sorry to hear.
@Emelia8 wrote:I don't know if you become immune to trauma and tragedy, or if trauma builds until it eventually breaks you. There's been times in the past that I've felt almost numb to it all. But more recently, I seem to be breaking and feeling even more alone and without hope of things ever turning around for the better. I just feel that I have no hope left in me.
I so wish for a speck of hope for you. And some healing...full healing I think is not possible, but some healing is. You are truly amazing to have come through what you have...it's no wonder that such a lot of trauma and tragedy have left their damage. 😞
Sending you a very gentle hug, and listening ears to support you as best I can 
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