Thank you for sharing where you have been at, @Emelia8 . I'm so sorry you have been deeply distressed, and that you had a major trigger while offline. I do think (along with your poem) that you should be proud for getting through. 

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@Emelia8 wrote:

Why am I firmly convinced that my life doesn't matter?

What difference to anyone if I weren't here tomorrow?

A life of lost opportunities and self imposed restrictions.

Spare me a further life full of fear, anxiety and sorrow.

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Your life definitely matters a lot. It would make a big difference if you weren't here on the forums tomorrow. 💔

I really hope that your "fear, anxiety and sorrow" ease as time goes on.