Hello @Gem17 , @Rosemary4 , @BPDSurvivor 

@Gem17, @Rosemary4 , both of you have talked about your activities, concerns and aspirations and have asked me about mine. Thank you on all points.

@Gem17 , the sentiments expressed in your comment are often heard on the forums "it is comforting to hear that you have both found it a bit challenging too as it makes me feel less alone" and often with the rider added, possibly as a statement of shared concern and empathy, "(though I'm sorry you've also found it a bit of a struggle)." We are all here because we share common issues, concerns and stated ways of addressing them, as well as the need to know other people's thoughts about their positions, all of which can be reassuring and supportive of each other.

At the moment, I am pushing myself fairly consistently. But, hopefully, not excessively.

To give a broader perspective on where I am at now; I am endeavouring to address the maintenance of my interest base, reduce weight, reduce medication {some of which has been driven indirectly by blockages in supply} improve mobility, increase effectiveness and outcomes. By the latter, I mean improve capacity and increase productivity.

Like you, @Gem17 I am not much into journaling, however, I do write notes in sporadic dated blocks for direction and record, that I keep in my “Journal” file on the computer. Because I live on my own, I am not particularly worried about anyone else reading my writing in the immediate future. My computer will, I hope, go to my daughter, in which case, she will have some record of my plans, experiences, interests and concerns. She will make of it what she wishes and I hope that it will be of some value to her. If I were to be suddenly taken to hospital, I think that there are other issues that may become apparent, to do with hoarding and lifestyle, that I would be more concerned about than my writing.

Toward the end of last year, a simple phrase came to mind, "I don't care". Strange at first glance, but developed, in my recent writing block, looks like this:

"I don't Care

This is a very brief statement that occurred to me during the last few days. Rather than being a statement of deliberate and wanton abrogation of responsibility, I was saying that I do not want to be continually distressed by thinking of what needs to be done or accomplished. In a sense it was a statement of meeting my own needs in a way that does not impose continual stress on me. Also, I am repudiating the self-imposed need to care for others at the expense of my own welfare and peace of mind."

It is really a statement, that I had been imposing on myself undue, unnecessary and un-required pressure. What I need to do is to plan a course of action and allow the plan to be fulfilled. To be more at ease and at peace with myself.

As well as the things I need to get done in the normal course of my life, to take the time to "stop and smell the roses", to do some of the things that I enjoy. I nearly wrote, "from which I derive enjoyment", but even in those words is implied an expectation that I should expect to get some return of enjoyment, that may somehow be quantified, instead of simply enjoying something for the spontaneous enjoyable response that is experienced.

Another recent post, written at a time of frustration, may seem to be in contradiction to the above. However, despite our best intentions we sometimes slip of the track or switch ourselves onto another line.

These are a few thoughts for now. I hope that they may be of interest and possibly of value. They might generate other thoughts for you that you may also wish to share.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX