Hi @BPDSurvivor 

i had a cry while reading this.  Don't know why, the tears just came.

Some days i feel and wish i was living alone.  all by myself, that way i could do whatever i want to do, eat whatever, i would i suppose feel a bit more free.

i struggle with letting people in to my issues or when i am struggling emotionally.  i was given very harsh words by a 'so called close friend' a few years ago.  telling me that she didn't want to listen to me anymore and since then i was heartbroken.  i felt rejected yet again and abandoned.  it's weird i still see this person but it took me a while to see her again.  and now i tell her nothing.  so i keep a facade of my health and emotions.  i dare not tell her my true feelings or show her my emotions for fear of being 'told off' again.

so i have another friend and the other day i managed to call her and just cried.  she was really good, listened, no juidgement and understood.  that was all i wanted.

i sometimes wonder 'have i had BPD since a child' 

thanks for sharing, i know you have worked so hard to get where you are today.  

hugs to you xxxooo