Thanks for your questions @BPDSurvivor 

I think the stigma, stereotypes and general misunderstanding of BPD is so great; it's hard to imagine it being seen in a compassionate light.

It scares people, it makes some people use you as a convenient scapegoat, and others can just "not deal" - essentially, you become a person they can interact with when you fit someone else's comfort profile. What I'm referring to here is my capacity for sensitivity and expressing emotions in tandem with articulate language, insight and responsibility.

I prefer to tell people I have CPTSD, as it's more benign and still very accurate as far as development of personality disorders.

I think the main thing about BPD that freaks people out is emotion, and the insights behind it. Because, even when a person is actually making sense, but emotional, they are dismissed. Then we are called "crazy", that we aren't "managing our behaviour", are "acting out", "not doing the work", or generally being a nuisance.

It's easier to be with myself. I have friends, but spend short periods of time with them as it's draining, even if it is fun and I know I am accepted. There's just the awareness in my head about where I've been and the rewriting of the script to where I am now. Very little is tacit, things have been examined and re-learned. It feels alien. 

Then you let someone in and you become THE problem. 

I have deep insight, but it's incredibly easy for others not so aware to dismiss me with such arrogance. Emotion is confronting and we all need to self-regulate, but everyone is human. I just think it's very interesting how those with less insight continually give themselves a pass for their poor behaviour and see no need to reconcile, own up, or apologise, let alone have a meaningful repair conversation afterwards.

Which is what I need in my intimate relationships.

So here we are on this forum. Where things can make more sense, we can be understood, and we can start to see ourselves in the context of our awareness, strength and articulation - instead of in the context of others' perjorartive, stigmatised and dismissive responses.

These put-downs do not define us. It's time to stop letting these attitudes have power over our worth as people.

I'm here because my confidence is low. I was a people-pleaser, getting by on approval. Now I'm starting to live differently, more on my terms, but it is confusing and dark.

I think I'll find some light here 🙂