Hey @Sirine ,

Welcome to our BPD thread 🙂 Great to have you with us!

I, too, was misdiagnosed to have bipolar when it was in fact BPD from the very beginning. The cycles of ups and downs was too frequent for it to be bipolar. e.g. one moment (literally one moment) I was up, and the next moment I was down. I also new it wasn’t bipolar because my behaviours and emotions were very much dependent on what was happening in my environment. For,example, if someone looked at me in a strange way, I’d spiral downhill and SH; if someone smiled at me, then I was be super happy - this is just one of the million examples I have.

So yeah, after 10 years of being on bipolar medication, yet another ED presentation meant it was clear that I should stop taking the bipolar meds immediately - so I did.

Fast forward a few years, my BPD was so severe and had taken over every aspect of my life. So much so, it said it’s either now I get support or I’d die. I search high and low for supports. Eventually I was admitted into Spectrum’s outpatient unit for intensive mentalisation based therapy - 2 sessions a week of therapy for min 18 months (group and individual sessions).

The sessions were tough and triggering at times, but through it, my BPD brain slowly began to shift. By the end of about 2 years, I realised I was no longer having regular raging moments and outbursts. I could regulate my emotions so much better. I learn social skills I never knew before. Now most people pick up these skills naturally, but for a borderline, I had to be taught - step by step.

Looking back, I am so grateful for my BPD because I have learnt so much from it. It has been an incredible yet ongoing journey of discovery.

I hope you will soon find this hope and discovery too @Sirine - it’s been the most amazing thing in my life!