I am glad you are getting psychosocial input @Hopeandlove 

I wasn’t sure about your questions, so decided to suggest the most practical thing I could think of at the time.

 I think most people have questions at your time of life, I know many people who have had those sort of unanswerable questions.

Don’t post for us @Hopeandlove, the only person you need to think about is you so only post if it’s helpful, comforting etc for you.