Big hugs @Teej. Crossroads can be soooooo hard. Totally get the trouble working out which way and the fear that whatever way you go, it'll be shaky (or hoppy).

No need to be sorry for feeling the way you do. Is the sick bug maybe playing in to that? I'd be feeling pretty average after going through it for weeks 😏

If you or anyone would like to share what you'd do with that one, I'd like to hear but otherwise I am OK enough today. I went full angry, dark and twisted and fought all kinds of ugly off last night. Not a great strategy but I made it out of it. Today I had a big heart pour to my MH worker which helped a lot. She sat with me in my tears and then I bought gingerbread houses for playing with this weekend with the kids. That's a winner 🙂

My options for support are pretty limited I think, but that's OK. There's only so much going over the pros and cons I can do. Someone said that now maybe it is best for me to spend my headspace working on how to protect myself and be OK through whatever decision I make. I liked that shift and that's what I am trying now. I think I know what I'll do and now all I can do is prepare myself as best as I can. Sorry about the dream. I dont remember having been through such a messy one as far as extreme emotions of all kinds goes, before.