... ok words...

I've been a member for 7 years 6 months and 11 days

I've been active for 20 days

I was looking at the events in my life and what I was writing about around when I joined, and I can see why I would've come to a place like this, that I needed to feel heard, yet I didn't make a single post.

I came across this again recently and it took a couple of days to actually post... I was quite terrified... the last forum wasn't like here and I hope it doesn't turn into that either... but I keep coming back, writing more, feeling heard, accepted, and understood.

For so long I just wanted my church to understand, to hear me and no matter how much I tried, they just don't, and I don't think they ever will.

It's different here, it's helping me not need to vent to my best friends or people from my church, and get no response or little understanding, or comments that just hurt more than they realise because they don't know what I'm going through. They want to walk alongside me, but their lack of understanding prevents them.

So I come here and find the understanding, love, empathy and compassion that I don't find there, my relationships in real life are stronger and less strained as a result and I get less hurt by their comments.

What I love about forums though is that it can be 3am in the morning and I can't sleep that I come here, and scream (metaphorically) and people actually check in on me.

You guys know the impact of trauma without the pressure of me having to teach you or be your guinea pig, you know the developmental impacts and the pain of different seasons.

You're there when my church can't be, even in the deepest depths of my darkness.

I can be me here and that's what I love.