@Bunniekins your past doesnt define who you are, who you were isnt who you are now. everyone has things in their past that they regret including me. i often have guilt over some things too and yes it can be crippling, enough to cause a downward spiral and self harm but you are strong and i believe that you will get through this. i know there is probably a darker side to your life before you were diagnosed and so could work on therapies etc but it still doesnt define who you are. I would really love it if we could go for a walk or have a coffee and talk, that would be lovely. You are a good person little pea, the way you speak to people here, the way you help others including offline doesnt reflect a bad person personality very much the opposite.