I’m not sure how I can explain this simply. So I have this tendency of wanting to withdraw from people because it feels safer, I guess it’s a trauma response. I also have a tendency of feeling lonely even with people in my life. One part of me wants to crawl into a cave and not have to interact with people. I’m not afraid of being alone, it feels safe. I know it’s not realistic to live in a cave, I just don’t like how I feel distant considering I have people in my life. At the same time I want people in my life, I want to feel connected and want to be loved. I’ve tried so hard to suppress that need, I would end up disassociating around people. I guess I’ve tried so hard to fight for being self-sufficient and independent. I have multiple trauma from my life, ranging from enmeshment trauma, living with a parent with mental illness, bullying and adult SA. Relying on people just seems like a weakness, I don’t want to be weak