@Patches59 all of that resonates with how I've felt. But now that I'm emerging from mania or psychosis - 23 years after my last hospitalisation for it - it will probably take me a while to re-engage with my story.

It's possible I'll have extreme depression shortly but if so I'll move onto a med I've already discussed with my psychiatrist. 

I'd love to break the cycle of trauma and dysfunctional relationships that seems to dog my family but I guess that's unrealistic. If I could find peace and harmony in myself and those I'm closest to that would be enough.

I'm not sure when I'll be ready to go back to the MH Social Worker.  Soon I hope.