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Hey @Lula ,
You are not alone. I'm sorry it's so hard for you today.
Is there someone you can speak to? Hopefully it will ease things a little?
Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
What are things you can do to distract you from this challenging thoughts?
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