hey @StanD thank you for sharing. 

i can see that you've faced so much and it's shows a great deal of strength that you've reached out for support. it makes a lot of sense that you'd feel conflicted and uncertain about the relationship especially when this person was someone you met during the time you were escaping family violence. 

when you've experienced trauma, it can be difficult to trust people and particularly difficult to trust people who have some traits/resemblance to your abuser (i.e. even if the only trait is 'being a man'). identifying signs of a healthy relationship and figuring out if this person is someone you see a future with does take time, and it's great you're getting support - even just talking about it with a professional can help you navigate those doubts. it's totally okay if you don't see marriage/wedding in your future, a relationship is not defined by those ceremonies anyways. and there's no rush or timeline, you can take this relationship at whatever pace you feel comfortable. communicating with this person how you feel and what you want from this relationship can help both of you understand each other better, and maybe even ease some of those doubts. 

a quote about trust i think about a lot is, instead of trusting a person, trust that you can handle whatever happens. we don't have control over people's actions but we do have control over our own, so if people disappoint/hurt, we got to have trust in ourselves that we can overcome it and move forward. i know it's easier said than done, but with time, it does get easier 💜