@StanD 

I think it's perfectly normal for you to have the deep mistrust of men after what you've had to endure in the past.  As a man myself, I could say that not all men are scary, mean, and violent, but you know that... and it won't help at all... that trust has been violently taken away.  It's completely understandable that you will have this fear with this fear with this new man in your life.  There's that part of our brain that wants to protect us, and it will be screaming at you to never get yourself in a position to have experience any of the trauma and violence ever again!

I'm not sure trauma like you've experienced every really goes away, and that trust can take a long time to even begin to rebuild.  This man in your life seems to understand that as he is 'still there' as you say.  Have you tried and counseling, either individually or as a couple.  It may help you both to explore these feelings and emotions and help you both to build that trust back.  And to also allow you both to maintain that self-care which is so vital to work though the trauma of the past and it's lasting effects.

You must have showed such strength and resilience to escape previously, even though you had help doing it... it still takes a lot to escape at all.  So trust in your own strength and resilience that if you start to see red flags this time, you will recognise them.  He does know about your past so it sounds like he does know that he has work to do as well to overcome the destruction to that trust in men that you have.  So don't trust him necessarily, trust yourself about what you feel about him, rather than what you think or fear.  And hopefully he does know this relationship is going to take a lot more time than in a more 'normal' situation... there's a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt.

Obviously, with what you've been through and experienced, especially the holes in the system and the fact that to this day, far too many (any more than zero) women are still subjected to violence from men... there will be a lot of anger and resentment there.  I was just thinking about the possibilities of you refocusing these very valid emotions into a productive way.  Like volunteering or getting involved with DV advocacy or support groups.  Helping to support others that have been through, or are going through what you have may allow you some release and healing from the anger you have now.  It may be something you're not even ready to mentally do right now, but I thought it may be an idea.  I have found recently that using some of the worst experiences in our lives and using them to help others going through similar experiences has been an incredible, and vital part of my own recovery from that time.

  However you decide to proceed, just never feel like you cant or shouldn't take the time you need.  Or that your own safety, welfare, and happiness doesn't come first.