@tyme wrote:
- Are we living a life close to our values which will hopefully foster a relationship?
The problem is that things are way more complicated then that. Because you might be living in line with the values of your sought partner, but that doesn't necessarily mean your living a life that aligns with the values of the people that lay in between you and your unmet partner - i.e. the people you need to set the two of you up together.
A classic example of this was my old therapist. In like our 2nd or 3rd session she just blurts right out how she didn't like women with my sort of values and how she actively worked to convert such patients to adhere to her own values.
In retrospect, I feel like I was surrounded by people like that.
The point being, you'll never get these people to set you up with their like-minded single friends/neighbors/family members/coworkers/patients/ect. if you "just be yourself" around them. You - and your as yet unmet partner - both have to "game" these people, to persuade them that your "worthy" of a relationship; which requires you to live and act in contradiction to your values.
And it only gets more and more convoluted and confused and unworkable from there... For example, if you do earn yourself an introduction to one of these peoples' single friends, not only do you have to hope that this single friend is likewise putting on an act to satisfy that person's standards (as otherwise they would never have qualified as being "worthy" of a relationship), but you also have to hope that the real personality behind the mask just happens to align well with your own.
It's a total mess.
