Don't apologise @lostNclueless , I am glad you have shared. I totally relate to your post about not feeling like you belong. I am really sorry to hear you are at a low place. It would be very hard with a difficult home enviroment and feeling lonely.
@tyme I am glad you found a BPD therapist. Your comments bring me a small drop of hope.
The stigma with BPD is horrendous. I am studying Human Services at University (to become a social worker) and boy, is it depressing. We live in a Neoliberalism society which creates businesses and support services who are centered around achieving great statistics to maintain funding. Apart from resulting in Managerialism and short interventions, it increases how hard it is for people experiencing BPD to receive support. People experiencing BPD are seen to just take a 'huge' amount of time and 'allot' of resources for effective intervention. This is from a business perspective/stigma, I'm not even going into the stigma from the general society, and mental health professionals!!!
Part of my studies allows me to examine the academic research literature about BPD, and it is also depressing. My therapist did point out that the research is from a 'top down' approach. So of course people with BPD have a high amount of risk, is an apparent 'black hole' for resources, and have high rates of intergenerational trauma when there is limited support available. When I got diagnosed, I was sent home with a verbal, 'check out SANE.com' and nothing else.
I am sorry for the long rant. I am quite passionate about this subject and I have been neglected attention for nearly all of my life. I just want people to hear my thoughts so as an young adult, I tend to rant.
Thank you @tyme and @lostNclueless for checking in, and asking how I have been. I wasn't expecting for people to care. I feel frozen and anxious lately. I have allot of thing I need to do but I am frozen and procrastinating which doesn't solve the problem. I can't even bring myself to do a little bit/just start the tasks.
I have been able to do some of my hobbies which bring me joy (reading and drawing). I even went to an event where you come and draw a costumed live model. I had a fantastic time, even though I was anxious about going alone. I know it seems silly, but I was proud that I went without needing somebody to come with me.
I have also been having terrible nightmares lately (extremely gory or/and extremely anxiety producing or/and past memories which are sometimes replayed or changed). Is this a part of BPD? I seem to go through periods where I will get horrible nightmares for a few months and then they will lessen. Yesterday morning, I didn't talk all morning and was reeling from a bad nightmare. I don't know what to do.
