Don’t want to accept the pain

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i'm glad that the new psych seems to be much more understanding!! ooo yes great that she's got the ed and dev speciality, and from the way you talk about her, she already sounds like a massive upgrade from your last one.

totally fair if you're just not ready to go into the details yet - it's nice that you didn't get the judgy vibes from this one, so maybeeee in the future if you do change your mind and decide to open up, i get the feeling that it might be a more positive experience this time round. you've still got time to build up a strong rapport as well so hopefully it'll feel safer with time too. 

emotional storm sounds overwhelming, is there anything that's been helping calm the storm?

[Jynx]

Noooo you're NOT @creative_writer don't let imposter syndrome get ya!! It's SO COMMON for us ND folk, trust me. But no, it is absolutely NOT for lack of trying. In fact, I would argue that we try harder than anyone, because we have to do so much extra work just to ~barely~ keep up with them. 

More like YOU were manipulated by the oppressive parts of the systems we exist within to believe that your differences are a deficit. They are not!!

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I feel like I have to put extra effort, even my supervisor could see placement was a struggle and we spoke about how clinical work may be a better option part time then full time. There is always the research road if I want to take it, I enough experience for starting research assistant positions. Obviously you need a PhD for more senior roles. 

It is true the mental health system is so deficit focused, I wish it wasn’t. 

I hope your afternoon has been going smoothly. I’ve been out, got a henna tattoo

[creative_writer]

 

[Jynx]

@creative_writer you never know where you might end up ay! I initially meant for this to be a temporary role for me.... coming up on 6 years now 😅 

And honestly research could suit you well!! No need to mask when you're pottering alone around a lab haha. Or if you do end up doing qualitative research, like you get to stay behind that clinical lens in a way, so less chance for triggering stuff in interactions. And you still get to help people!! Is there an area of research that particularly interests you? 

OOOH PRETTY!! For Eid celebrations still? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it is sometimes hard to know what job is suitable until you’re in it. I do find I need some downtime after interacting with people. I don’t think I could do therapy five days a week, I would burn out. I have my own mental health, chronic pain and being ND comes with challenges. I’m interested in mental health but I think I would need to explore areas of interest.

Yes, it is for Eid. It’s difficult when Eid is during the weekdays because you can’t do much, weekend is usually the time when people are able to celebrate. The henna smelt a bit chemically, but I haven’t reacted so far, so hopefully I won’t react.

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah for sure, be good to get out and get some super broad experience hey!! 

True, would be a sensory nightmare if it did!! Aww do you feel like you didn't get to celebrate as much as you wanted? Will you do anything else this weekend? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’m applying for research positions too along with other social work related work.

The whole event was sort of stimulating with the music and lots of people. I didn’t get to celebrate as much, I didn’t even get to wear my new silver dress. Maybe next time. I don’t have much else planned for the weekend. Do you have much on?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer nice one!! All my digits crossed for ya 🤞😉

Oooh yes you'll have to find another special occasion!! Not much for me, alas behind on housework means I'll spend the majority of tomorrow doing the yard, dishes, and vacuuming. Joy! lol 

How bout you?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I forgot to respond🤦🏻‍♀️. I do think she is better suited for my needs. I’m not entirely sure what to do about the storm. I am struggling to self- validate my emotions. I honestly believe I am overreacting over all the traumas I’ve experienced and the current stressors in my life. I can’t convince my brain otherwise, I have tried. Since I can’t accept, it’s pretty hard to go beyond that. I feel stuck but I have no words. I don’t know what else to do, I’m just in bed, miserable and have sad music playing in my mind. I absolutely despise myself right now for being this way.

@Jynx I hope you are able to get what you need to do today. I’m just taking it easy today.