Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

It seems like many have experienced being invalidated when family, friends or strangers have used inappropriate terms.

I am interested to know what are the harmful impacts on people who experience misgendering and discrimination @Sally_Morris ?

[CherryBomb]

Some great resources @Sally_Morris!

Do you find that there are generational differences? I mean should people be looking at different resources depending on their age? I imagine the older generations might have different experiences as they grew up with different cultural norms. 

[Sally_Morris]

@Former-Member Unfrotunatley many LGBTI people still experience direct and indirect discrimination, harassment and violence as a response to their sexuality or gender identity.  For some this can be from their own family - and it can be really devistating to be hurt by your own family who you expect will always love you.  

This is why some LGBTI people will leave the families and communities they were born into to find other spaces that are more welcoming and accepting for who you are.

Misgendering is when you use the wrong pronouns or name for a person, either accidently or intentionally.  If you aren’t sure about which pronouns a person uses, it is best to ask.

Pronouns are a word that takes the place of a person’s name, and in English are related to the gender of that person such as She/Her/Hers & He/Him/His. However, there are also pronouns that do not denote gender such as They/Theirs/Them, or by using the person’s name.  Many languages do not have gendered pronouns (e.g. Malay, Finnish, Persian, Chinese, Turkish to name a few)

When this happens LGBTI people can expereince alot of impacts on their mental health - like fear, anxiety, sadness, depression, worry... which for some can contribute to thoughts about suicide.   

[Sally_Morris]

@CherryBomb Absolutely!

I find out LGBIT community history really interesting - and i plays a really important role in how people thing and feel about themselves.

Historically being gay was illegal, considered a mental illness , thought to be immoral  Tasmania was the last state to decriminilise homosexuality and that was in 1994!!!

So ifyou have grown up in a society and community where who you was was a crime, a mental illness and a sin - this really would shape your views on the world!

the AIDS epidemic in the 80's also had a lot of impact on how the world saw LGBTI people - which was often really negative

Many older LGBTI people would have stayed hidden - some getting married and having children to blend in - and some coming out later in life when they felt they perhaps could.  

So younger LGBTI people who are coming out now may see and experience the world quite differently to someone who grew up in the 70's

[Sally_Morris]

@CherryBomb  I recently watched the telemove We Will Rise, and this gave me such a great overview and understanding of the history of the LGBTI community and how this still has an impact on us today. Well worth the watch!

[CherryBomb]

So how might you support someone who is older in finding a community @Sally_Morris?

[greenspace]

Hi @Former-Member, one of the main differences I've found is that people are more openly and casually bigoted - not aggressive, just saying disparaging things about gays watching Eurovision, for example. 

It happens fairly often, and people don't even realise they're doing sometimes - I think they just assume that it's okay to do it. Oh, she's ugly, look at that lezzo haircut. He's such a poof. 

Or being all open-minded "I have a gay friend", and they don't  get it when I say "you probably have more than one". 

Yes, there are out gay and trans people here, and I've connected with a few QUILTBAG people, but not felt part of a community as such.

maybe because I'm bi, single, looking for friendships butnot a relationship, and some people assume I'm straight? And because depression and anxiety and PTSD mean that I don't go to pubs, or go out much at all. 

I joined a community choir, which is wonderful, but I don't manage to get to it regularly 

[utopia]

@Sally_Morris @CherryBomb.
Could you explain why there is a mental health 'illness' called Gender Identity Disorder?
To me, it sounds like people are still being treated as if they have a mental illness - purely by identifying their gender as different from their birth certificate

[Sally_Morris]

@CherryBomb  Actually most state LGBTI organisations (Like QuAC in Qld, ACON in NSW, VaC in Vic) have programs to support LGBTI elders. Some have Seniors Visiting Programs where they have younger LGBTI people go and visit older LGBTI people to help them connect.   There is even a Virtual LGBTI Seniors Visitor Program that connects LGBTI elders with other using iPads!   

For people who might might not be considered an 'senior' jsut yet, but are older and want to connect - I would suggest getting online to find out what is happening local like I suggested to @greenspace earlier. I would also really suggest looking beyond just LGBTI spaces, adn think about other things that you like to do - like reading books, going for walks, swimming, playing boardgames, sewing, playing soccer - and finding these groups and connecting with them becuse you will probalby enjoy what you are doing more - and in my expereince you find LGBTI people everywhere, and genderally LGBTI people gravitate towards each other in these spaces!  

[Sally_Morris]

@greenspace What you are describing is really common....  which I find sad - but there are words to describe what you are experiencing, which may be useful to understand?

What is Heteronormativity?

Heteronormativity is the presumption and expectation that everyone is heterosexual and the assumption that being heterosexual is the norm.

Cisgenderism is the presumption and expectation that everyone is either male or female, and that their external appearance is congruent with the sex assigned at birth and their gender identity, and the assumption that being cisgender is the norm.

This can be communicated through assumptions rather than overt or deliberate acts of discrimination (such as assuming your partner is of the opposite gender, or assuming your sex on the basis of your external appearance)

Heteronormativity and cisgenderism can result in LGBTI feeling invisible, unimportant, isolated, socially unacceptable, and in people feeling fearful, awkward or even unable to disclose their LGBTI identity.